When I reviewed Some Girls Are, my greatest wish was for Courtney Summers to write a zombie novel. Follow your dreams, kids, because mine came true.
This is Not a Test is, in some ways, a traditional zombie tale. It pays homage to the Romero blueprint without explicitly wink-winking at it: a diverse group of people hole up in one location to protect themselves from a nasty case of the dead coming back to life, for reasons that aren't explained and don't matter. The twist is that the characters and location are Summers' speciality: psychologically tortured high school kids in a high school.
The main character, Sloane, is a particularly interesting one to throw in a story of survival, because she doesn't want to survive. She starts the book trying to kill herself. Somehow, it goes downhill from there.
This isn't really about zombies. They are only a catalyst for the even greater horror of dealing with people who still have heartbeats when they're put under enormous pressure. That pressure, coming from both the current situation and memories of the past, puts the characters through some horrible ordeals. The misery dripping off of every page is written so beautifully and honestly that it avoids being emo to the point of cheesiness. Still, it requires a certain sick desire to see characters suffer to enjoy a novel like this.
This is a test: do you like zombies? Do you like feeling terrible after reading about the intense social situations that zombies tend to elicit? If you answered "yes," you pass: go read This is Not a Test.
Science—empirical study of the world—only exists because thought experiments aren't good enough. Yet.
Philosophers used to figure out how stuff worked just by thinking about it. They would take stuff they knew about how the world worked, and purely by applying intuition, logic and math to it, figure out new stuff. No new observations were needed; with thought alone, new discoveries could be created out of the raw material of old discoveries.
Einstein developed a lot of his theories using thought experiments. He imagined gliding clocks to derive special relativity and accelerating elevators to derive general relativity. With thought alone, he figured out many of the fundamental rules of the universe, which were only later verified with observation.
That last step is always needed, because even the greatest human intelligence can't account for all variables. Einstein's intuition could not extend to tiny things, so his thought experiments could not alone predict the quantum weirdness that arose from careful observation of the small. Furthermore, human mental capacity is limited. Short-term memory can't combine all relevant information at once, and even with Google, no human is capable of accessing all relevant pieces of information in long-term memory at the right times.
But what happens when we go beyond human intelligence?
If we can figure out true artificial intelligence, the limitations above could disappear. There is no reason that we can't give rise to machines with greater-than-human memory and processing power, and we already have the Internet as a repository of most current knowledge. Like the old philosophers on NZT, AI could take the raw material of stuff we currently know and turn it into new discoveries without any empirical observation.
Taken to a distant but plausible extreme, an advanced AI could perfectly simulate a portion of the world and perform a million thought experiments within it, without ever touching or observing the physical world.
We would never need science as we know it again if there were perfect thought experiments. We wouldn't need to take the time and money required to mess with reality if new discoveries about reality could be derived just by asking Siri.
It solves ethical issues. There are a lot of potentially world-saving scientific discoveries held back by the fact that science requires messing with people's real lives. AI could just whip up a virtual life to thought-experiment on. Problem solved.
Of course, AI brings up new ethical problems. Is a fully functioning simulated life any less real than a physical one? Should such a simulation be as fleeting as a thought?
As technology advances, there will be a lot to think about.
Here are the 20 albums that I listened to the most this year. The first part of the top 35 is over here; as I mentioned there, it was an odd year for music. I don't even own many of the albums below; rather, I streamed them from various places.
Once again I've bolded some albums throughout this list. Call these my consciously chosen top albums, if I was going by something other than the number of times I've played them.
What were your most listened to / favourite albums of the year? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter, because obviously I need more music to listen to.
20. Electric Guest - Mondo It's impossible not to think of Broken Bells when listening to Electric Guest, which makes sense given Danger Mouse's involvement in both bands. Mondo sounds like what Broken Bells' second album should have been, with a collection of dreamy yet intense genre-spanning songs. This was my go-to album for when I needed to drown the world office out with headphones.
19. Ellie Goulding - Halcyon Probably the best pop album of the year. I am hopelessly in love with Ellie Goulding's voice. She could sing Instagram's terms of service and I'd feel all warm and fuzzy. Halcyon doesn't sound like all the other dance-pop out there, despite the almost cliche influence of dubstep (probably via boning Skrillex for a while) creeping in there once in a while.
18. Justin Bieber - Believe
Shut up. Seriously, shut the fuck up. Stop the Bieber hate. You're only hating because it's popular to hate stuff that's popular, which makes you just as bad as his army of wailing beliebers. This is a perfectly great pop album. As a grown person, you can admit that without questioning your sexuality or becoming creepy. Just let go. Believe.
17. Fergus and Geronimo - Funky Was the State of Affairs
This is just a whole lot of WTF. I don't remember buying this. I don't remember listening to this more than once. I'm listening now, and none of this makes sense... "Planet Earth is Pregnant For the 5th Time"??? I'm pretty sure it just jumped from 70s punk to a 3 minute track of a bunch of people talk-singing that cut to a little jazzy number. Where am I?
16. Muse - The 2nd Law I love Muse more and more with every album they release, and The 2nd Law is no exception. Their last album, The Resistance, was influenced heavily by Queen. The 2nd Law doesn't abandon that influence, but layers new influences on top of it, with a dollop of U2 and a pinch of dubstep all mixed together to somehow sound only like an evolved Muse. Madness is probably the second-most stuck-in-my-head song of the year, only being beat by a certain hit that never, ever, ever, ever, ever wriggled its way out of my brain folds...
(Tied for 15). Taylor Swift - Red, Lana Del Rey - Born to Die, Carly Rae Jepsen - Kiss Ah, my three favourite pop almost-princesses. Lana Del Rey is all fake hipster-pandering, but somehow it works. Taylor Swift makes an art out of complaining about relationships, but who can't relate with that? Ah, and Carly, with her slightly 80s vibe and squeaky clean simplicity, I think I love her most of all. Call Me Maybe obviously struck a nerve with everyone, but my vote is for Good Time (weirdly cross-posted on Owl City's latest album as well), with its forceful meaninglessness, as the best pop song of the year.
14. Hey Ocean! - Is I never paid Vancouver's Hey Ocean! much attention until this year, dismissing them as just more bland Canadian indie rock. I was wrong. This albums is just irresistible They're somewhat reminiscent of Stars (coming up later in this list), except even cheesier and more fun.
13. fun. - Some Nights More hipster bullshit, but damn if it isn't effective. The first word that comes to mind to describe fun's music is fresh. It sounds light and airy, yet dramatic and over the top at the same time.
12. Stars - The North
Stars are regulars on these lists of mine, pumping out albums yearly. The North is mostly more of the same: cheesy retro-tinged emo-lite pop. The North is a little slicker than their early stuff, and not my favourite of theirs, but I guess I listened to it quite a bit.
11. Saltillo - Monocyte This is the first music album that has actually scared me. Sparse violins play against echoey samples and electronic noise, like the soundtrack to a radio transmission from a haunted house. Try listening to this at 3 in the morning with the lights out.
10. Plaster - Let It All Out Another one of those albums I randomly stumbled upon and couldn't stop listening to. This Montreal band's electro-rock is big and dirty. LIKE MY COCK.
9. Metric - Synthetica I'd be surprised if Metric ever released an album that didn't make this list. Like all their music, I wasn't sure about Synthetica on first listen, but it grew on me every time until I craved it, like a fine chocolate. All of it fits together perfectly, managing to be equally at home in the giant speakers of an arena or the headphones of your bedroom.
8. Garbage - Not Your Kind of People
Garbage is back. I still remember seeing the video for Queer for the first time and immediately falling in love with this band (ok, mostly Shirley Manson), and that relationship continues to this day. It's been seven years since their last album, but Not Your Kind of People feels like the natural evolution of their previous work, blending the electronic influence of their middle albums with the griminess of others. At times it feels a bit forced, like a Garbage tribute band more than Garbage itself, but it still does it for me.
7. Grimes - Visions Grimes is fucking weird. That would be apparent even listening to Visions, yet it's her most accessible album yet, with actual songs and whatnot. But that weirdness shines through to create something unlike anything else that's come out this year.
Like seriously:
Weird. I want to touch her eyebrows.
6. The Big Pink - Future This Electronic-tinged britpop with a layer of retro darkness, The Big Pink's second album delivers more of the same as their first. Which isn't a bad thing. It borders on trying too hard to be inspiring and uplifting instead of just fun, but I managed to listen to it over and over without being inspired to do anything positive. Phew.
5. Now, Now - Threads
On paper, Now, Now is a pretty typical rock band. They'd almost pass as a 90s grunge act. But their gradually building songs perfect the formula spectacularly, and uuungh, Cacie Dalager's voice.
4. Sleigh Bells - Reign of Terror
When Sleigh Bells first made an appearance on this list, I questioned whether the dirty cheerleader gimmick could be maintained. I guess the answer is yes. They've evolved their sound while maintaing their unique aesthetic, and gotten a little heavier with the lyrics. Let's see if they can do it a third time.
3. Of Monsters and Men - My Head is an Animal I don't know what the hell they're going on about ("my head is an animal?" what?), but the intensity and authenticity of these folky Icelandic dudes is irresistible. There is something magic about a guy and a girl sharing vocal duties (see above: Stars, Hey Ocean!), and it's used to full effect here. I couldn't stop listening to this album.
2. Marilyn Manson - Born Villain
When asked what my favourite band is, Marilyn Manson is still my most frequent response. I obviously listened to and enjoyed Born Villain this year, but among their discography I'd say it's mostly "meh." It maintains the status quo musically rather than experimenting with anything new, and lyrics that may have been shocking in the 90s aren't so much any more. It says something that even an average Marilyn Manson album still made #2 here, but maybe my lack of enthusiasm means I should hang up the black lipstick and find a new favourite band. Maybe something obscure, like...
1. Chairlift - Something This is one of those albums that inexplicably struck a chord in me that wouldn't stop vibrating. Like La Roux in 2009, it's not necessarily the best album on this list, but I couldn't stay away from it for long. On paper it's typical 80s-inspired synthpop, but each song seems to have a twist that sets it apart; some discordant sound or distortion that keeps things interesting. Most people probably haven't heard Chairlift outside of their brief appearance in an Apple commercial a few years ago, but give Something a chance. It's great and awesome and something something.
That is everything. What did you listen to in 2012?
Every year I go through my Last.fm profile and identify my most listened-to albums to post here for consideration.
This year marked a radical shift in my music habits. iTunes Match allowed me access to my entire music collection wherever I went, but more importantly, my subscription to Rdio allowed me access to almost all music at a any time. A lot of my listening was just the week's lastest new releases. Compared to past years, this lead to listening to a larger number of albums fewer times.
Because of that, I'll mention 35 albums here instead of the usual top ten+. Here are the first 15, with the top 20 coming later this week. I will bold albums that deserve special attention (call them my consciously-chosen top albums, rather than the ones I just happened to listen to a lot).
But first:
Worst album of the year: Antony and the Johnsons - Cut the World
What the fuck is this shit? I like a few of their past songs, so I tried listening to this live album, but already by the second track, we're treated to a rambling spoken diatribe about feminism, religion, mangled science, and philosophy that probably only sounds deep if you're on drugs or highly unintelligent. "The water of the world is the blood of the woman's body, so that's what we crawled out of just as we crawled out of our mothers' wombs." What? Fuck off.
Ok, here are some better albums. I'll comment on a few.
35. Grizzly Bear - Shields
I never paid much attention to Grizzly Bear before this year, but their multi-layered, epic indie rock really did it for me this time around.
34. Hot Chip - In Our Heads
33. No Doubt - Push and Shove
32. Infected Mushroom - Army of Mushrooms
31. Trust - TRST
30. Christina Aguilera - Lotus
You'll notice a lot of pop music on this list. It was an interesting year for bubblegum pop, with the music getting edgier and more energetic while the sex-soaked lyrics got even more vapid and meaningless. When I think about it, that about describes my year, so it makes sense that I'd relate with the musical embodiment of it. Aguilera came back to fit right in with today's pop, while still bringing me back to my Xtina-loving, genie-rubbing days of 1999.
29. The Asteroids Galaxy Tour - Out of Frequency
28. The xx - Coexist
27. Purity Ring - Shrines
This album is just so damn pretty, but then you pay attention to the lyrics, and it's like, "wait, what?"
26. Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded
25. The Twilight Sad - No One Can Ever Know 24. Jack White - Blunderbuss
23. Ke$ha - Warrior
Die Young is probably one of the best songs of the year, and the rest of this artlessly provocative album lives up to it. It just makes me want to get really sweaty and make terrible decisions.
22. Lioness - The Golden Killer
21. The Weeknd - Trilogy
I've never been a big R&B fan, but this collection of The Weeknd's three previously released mini-albums feels important. It incorporates several genres without sounding like anything that's come before, and deals with heavier issues than you'd expect (especially from someone so young). And damn, this guy is talented; comparisons with Michael Jackson are not unwarranted (especially when you hear him covering Jackson on D.D.). I think we'll be hearing a lot more from The Weeknd.
That's all for now, but I'll be back later this week with the top twenty. Here's a sneak peek in graph form:
Well get this you guys: DEEPAK BROKE UP WITH ME. I'm so upset, but, like, let me try to explain. It started with this little subtweet which I think was totes about me since he knows I'm into psychology:
So then I was like:
And he was like:
And I was like HAHA look at that smiley face, he's obviously just flirting, good one Deepak. But NO, next thing I know, he's blocking me on Twitter! In front of all 1.25 million of his followers! I was, like, soooooo embarrassed.
OMGGG I am so angry. I mean, like, he was never that good to me anyway, you know? He usually just put random words together and called that depth, which was SO annoying ungh. And it for reals bugged me that he did immeasurable harm to millions of people by spreading pseudoscience and dangerous medical advice. Such a turn-off, you know?
So I'm glad it's over, Deepak Chopra. Go ... go be with your universe. Be one with it for all I care. Because you ain't never being one with this ever again.
When I reviewed Some Girls Are, my greatest wish was for Courtney Summers to write a zombie novel. Follow your dreams, kids, because mine came true.
