Friday, August 17, 2001

I was thinking today, and came to some rather disturbing realizations. Imagine this: you go to the bathroom, and take a dump. Since you're a slob, you get shit all over your hands. After you're done, you flush the toilet. The little flushy thing has been touched by millions of slobs like you, so you get other peoples' shit on your hands too. No problem, you think, because soon you'll wash your hands and all that shit will just flow down the sink. But wait...think this through. You turn the tap (getting shit all over it), the water comes on, and you wash your hands. Phew, your hands are clean again. However, then you have to turn the water off. You turn the tap, and your hands are full of shit again.

There you have it. It's the bathroom paradox: there's no way to actually wash your hands. Remember this next time you shake hands with somebody...the next time you touch a doorknob...the next time you eat a hamburger after it's been handled by the grubby hands of a McDonalds employee, not to mention your own shit-covered paws.

I hope I've ruined your day.

P.S. I am aware of automatic sinks, where you don't have to turn a tap to turn the water on. Whoever invented those must be as paranoid as I am.

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