Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Superness

I have discovered that I am a super hero. I am a super hero because I have a super power. My power is the ability to open elevators with my mind. It's actually a pretty passive power...I don't have to think about it, elevators just open for me. I didn't think much of this power, until today I had to actually push the 'up' button to get to my office, and I thought to myself "what the hell is going on?" It actually felt weird that it didn't open. Usually, as I'm walking toward an elevator, it will start opening at just the right time so as to let me get in when it's fully open, then close after I'm inside.

But having a super power also comes with a super weakness. Like Superman's kryptonite or Batman's inability to be in good movies, there is one thing that pushes the laws of the universe against me. That weakness is losing Tim Hortons roll up the rim to win every time I get coffee. I've talked about this here before, and it's still true. I now have almost 50 losing rims collected, and not one winner among them. The odds of 1 in 9 seem to hold with other people, but not me. Let's do some math! If the chances of losing are 8 in 9 (or 8/9), then the chances of losing 50 times are 8/9 to the power of 50, which is .0027...about 1 in 370. In psychology, you conclude there's something other than chance operating if the odds you got your results by chance are 1 in 20 or less *. So, something other than chance is operating on me...the forces of the universe are conspiring against me.

* Yes, I know this is technically false and I'm mangling statistics and probability to fit my needs. Bite me.

Speaking of super heros, and given that it's around Easter, let's give some "props" to the first super hero ever (and also the first zombie ever). Yes, I'm talking about the one who was bitten by a radioactive God and given the power to heal the wounded and turn water into booze: Jesus!



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