Thursday, June 30, 2005

Movie Review: War of the Worlds

I'm not a huge Spielberg fan. Movies like Jaws, Indiana Jones, and Jurassic Park are great, but he also made Catch Me if You Can, which I wasn't crazy about.

There is a certain Spielberginess to all his movies...a sort of child-like perspective that can be great sometimes, but not so great other times. I find that there are little "funny" or "cute" moments in all his films that keep me from taking what is on screen completely seriously. This was sort of the case in War of the Worlds, but not to the same extent.

In many ways, this is a very serious movie. It's about the end of the world. The death of millions of people. I love end of the world movies, and most of WotW handles it in a scary yet entertaining way. Overall, I enjoyed it a lot.

But to be picky, it still had those moments that kept me from taking it as seriously as I should have. That weird Spielberginess. And the movie kinda loses steam near the end of the movie, but not enough to ruin it.

Yeah. So I liked it, for the most part.

Oh and I should probably comment on Tom Cruise, since he's a big deal now. Unlike some other people, I don't think he's crazy, really. He just has some crazy ideas in his head, and he believes them way too much. This is partly due to Scientology, the scary "religion" that it is hard to believe that anybody really takes seriously. It's sick that it incorporates "science" in its name, since it is obvious that it has nothing to do with science. But hey, Tom Cruise can be a pretty good actor most of the time, so what he does in his real life doesn't really matter. It makes fun news stories though.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Smart? (Part Two)

As I wrote here earlier (Part One), my girlfriend, V, and I have been looking to get a car together. After the exciting test drive, we decided that we're going to go for it, despite the fact that we will now be completely broke. I'm talking about stealing free food from the grocery store and conferences at the university, then bringing it home to eat in the dark, because we can't afford electricity.

In any case, we went back to the dealership to sign the forms and order our car. Since we wouldn't be quite broke enough after buying the basic model, we decided to spend a bit more and get the "passion" (i.e. pretty and luxurious) model. It will be black and silver and built just the way we want it. Nice.

However, just as we were about to sign the order form, we heard a shattering sound from the front of the dealership. I grabbed V and hit the floor just in time to avoid being hit by a flying smart car which had just crashed through the front window. It rolled a few times, destroying several million-dollar Mercedes cars. Immediately, every car salesman pulled out guns from under their sharp suits and began firing at the window. At first I couldn't see what they were firing at, but as the dust settled I saw a dark shape standing there. It was Bigfoot again! He was alive!

I could see that Bigfoot was still burned from our last encounter, but appeared to be fine. He swatted away bullets like flies, and leaped into the dealership. He picked up another smart car from the show floor and bit off a side mirror with his teeth, before crushing it between his hands like a tin can. He was about to smash another car, when there were sirens in the distance. Bigfoot paused, then leaped back out the window and disappeared.

I turned to the salesman, who was already cleaning his shotgun and appeared completely calm. "Don't worry about that, happens all the time", he said, and slid the forms toward us. I asked him what the hell was going on, but he said that was a story for another time. I sighed, then signed away $250 for the desposite. Damn, $250. That's messed up.

Anyway, here is what our car will look like:

Life and Death

So I saw Elektra last night. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it, given the number of critics who hated it. It wasn't a great movie or anything, but I was entertained for a while. It really had nothing to do with Daredevil (the movie to which this is a spin-off)...the movie barely even explains how Elektra died and came back to life. A flashback sorta says "oh, by the way, I was dead and this guy can bring people back to life, so he did." I guess that makes sense, because most people didn't like Daredevil. It also seems to be a confused doesn't know if it's a drama, or a Kill Bill-like action movie, or a super hero comic movie. Whatever. It was still fun. I recommend renting it.

On a related note, I think that resurrection kinda ruins movies. If people are just free to come back to life, then there is no justified fear of death. Let's face it...a lot of movies revolve around people avoiding death, dealing with death, or dying. Remove that, and there isn't much dramatic stuff that can happen. If we (and when I say "we" I'm being very general and referring to all humans) ever invent a pill that brings people back to life, then I think storytelling will become a lot more boring. If your favourite character dies during the season finale of a TV show, it won't be all that know that their friend will just give them the magic resurrection pill at the beginning of next season, and all will be back to normal.

The only real drama that can be created is if there is a shortage of pills. Every movie will have to take place on a deserted island where everyone forgot their pills. Or there's only one pill left, and everyone fights over it to protect themselves from death...but ironically, many people die fighting over the pill, and only one can be brought back to life! Actually, that sounds like a pretty cool premise for a story.

Never mind what I said. I'm gonna go write a novel now.

P.S. Can dead people swallow pills? Discuss.

Thursday, June 23, 2005


Today's theme is: animals.

First is a site full of pictures of animals yawning. As you can see, yawning can make even a lowly squirrel look like a zombie who wants to eat your brains. I suggest you go through every single picture there.

Second, we have a site full of photos of pregnant animals. All my life, I have yearned to see what a pregnant monkey looks like. I finally know, and now I can die in peace.

Third...oh, never mind. That's enough ridiculousness. What is with people? Does there need to be a web site for every single thing? Well, I guess that's the beauty of the internet. Even if the weirdest shit really excites you, you can find someone else who shares your interests enough to make a web site about it. Everyone can be happy on the internet. Hooray!

Fun With Google

Here is a fun fact. Some recent Google search terms used to stumble across this blog were "shoulder hair & nair", and "multiple penes". Now I'm even happier that I've kept my real identity mostly hidden here...I'm not so sure that I want people who actively search for "multiple penes" knowing my real name. But hey, at least now I know that there are real people out there who use the word "penes" instead of "penises". Weird.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


God, yesterday was such a long day. It felt like the day just kept going and going and going.

That's because it was literally the longest day of the year! Haha, I bet you thought I was going to complain because it was a shitty day. Well it wasn't, suckers.

Anyway, happy summer solstice.

I also (finally) saw Lost in Translation. It was a good little movie. I'm glad to see that Bill Murray can really act. It also made me want to go to Japan just to play crazy video games which make no sense. I've also heard that there are melon flavoured Kit Kat bars there....yum yum.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Eat Me

Today's theme is: eating.

First we have a link to a very special web site: Celebrities Eating. It shows lots of wonderful pictures of famous people eating, and also "the opposite of eating", like Keanu in that there picture. Whoa.

Second, there is Crying While Eating, where you can find many videos of people crying and eating at the same time.

Now we need to see a celebrity crying while eating. God, that would be so sweet. I would pay like $20 to see that. $25 if it was Vin Diesel.

Saturday, June 18, 2005


So my girlfriend and I went to look at cars to buy yesterday. I find all cars absolutely boring...they all look basically the same, and I don't give a shit if one goes slightly faster than the other, because I drive cars in a city, not a race course. 140 kph is good enough, and every car can do that. I also hate that driving a car unnecessarily pollutes the environment. Parking sucks too.

However, there is one car which is just different enough from other cars to make me like it a bit more. It's called the smart car. It is small and less polluting and weird looking.

So we went to look at one. The car salesman came to greet us, and although he was friendly, there was something shifty about his eyes. After talking about options and pricing, he offered to take me on a test drive. "But first," he said, "I have to go take care of some business."

I got in the passenger seat, and he told me to put on my seatbelt. We drove for a while, and before I realized where we were going, we were in a pretty bad part of town. I was about to ask him what was going on, when there was a crash behind us.

I looked back, and saw that a large truck had just rear-ended us. And you'll never guess who was driving the truck. It was Bigfoot!

The car salesman told me to relax, then did a sudden U-turn. He explained to me that the smart car was small and maneuvarable, and very fun to drive. He also showed me the power windows, as he rolled his window down and pulled a gun from under the seat.

He began to accelerate and fire at Bigfoot's truck at the same time. He told me to take the wheel, so I did, and I noticed that it was indeed pretty fun to drive.

We passed Bigfoot, and he turned around to follow us. The salesman took the wheel back, and turned down a side street. He began accelerating toward what looked like a dead end, with a narrow alley at the end. I screamed, thinking we would hit a wall, but the car was so small that it managed to fit into the alley. "Imagine how easy it is to park" said the salesman, and I laughed.

There was an explosion behind us as Bigfoot tried to follow us into the alley with his large truck. We stopped, and I looked back to see an orange ball of flame where the truck had crashed into the walls of the alleyway. The salesman fired a few shots into the windshield, just to make sure.

As fiery bits of metal and fur rained down upon us, I realized that the smart car is really great, and I'd probably like to buy one.

So yeah, that was a pretty fun day I guess.

Note: Parts of my story might be fictional, because I got bored with just describing my day.

Lazy as a Rock and a Hard Place

I am feeling so damn lazy today. I have an important presentation to do on Monday, but instead of working on it, I'm sitting on my ass in front of this computer. I've had to piss for an hour, but I'm not even motivated enough to get up and walk a few feet to the bathroom. I haven't been to the gym in months, and I feel like I'm getting scrawnier but chubbier at the same time.

They tell fat people that they should tell everyone they know about diets they go on, so they're committed to it and risk social embarrassment if they drop out. Maybe the same thing will work for me if I write about my laziness here for the whole world to see. Wish me luck, world.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Pro Middle

There's a big controversy going on at my university right now because they gave an honorary degree to a doctor who gave abortions and helped to get the procedure legalized. Since this is a blog and I'm supposed to talk about controversial issues 'n stuff, I better write about it.

What I find fascinating is that people are either hardcore pro-choice or hardcore pro-life. There's no moderate position. I think it would be neat if there was a middle ground, where abortion is legal in some circumstances but not in others; where unborn fetuses are alive, but less alive than a fully grown human; where abortion is sorta mildly snacking on a peanut you didn't pay for in a bulk food store.

I'd like to say that my position is somewhere in this middle ground, though I must admit that it comes out sounding closer to the pro-choice side. I think that even if a fetus is "alive", however you define it, some taking of life is justified. Some life is more valuable than other life. It's cold, but it's the truth. We hardly think about the ethical issues involved in putting down a dog who is too old...or killing a family of baby rabbits who lost their mother...or war, for that matter. These things are tough, but in the long run they're for the best. Taking the position that killing life, any life, is wrong and shouldn't be done, leads to pain and suffering among a large number of preexisting lives. Happiness among current life is something to be treasured as much as the mere existence of life, in my humble opinion. There is also the choice aspect, and imposing beliefs (especially religious beliefs) upon others is just wrong.

I have rambled long enough though, and no minds will be changed here.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005


I have used the plural form of penis here twice in the last two days, and both times I have wondered if "penises" was in fact the correct way of expressing multiple schlongs. So I looked it up in the dictionary. I was right...but surprisingly, "penes" is also acceptable. Now you know.


Pixels and Penises

You know, it's a bit scary that video game characters are beginning to look like real people. in November, when the next generation of consoles come graphics will be approaching photo realism. It's just weird that someone can control a real-looking duplicate of a famous actor and make them do whatever they want.

You know what surprises me though? That there aren't any hardcore porn games yet (at least not in North America). Graphics are good enough now that it wouldn't just be jerking off to vaguely flesh-coloured pixels. Make the virtual porn stars look like celebrities, and thousands of horny teenagers' dreams would come true. This, and the interactivity aspect, could make it much more, um, engaging than traditional porn.

Then again, most games require two hands, so maybe the challenge is in designing a game that can be played with just one.

P.S. I wish Morgan Freeman was blind.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Michael Jackson Not Guilty

So, Jackson's not guilty. If he really is innocent, I feel sorry for the guy. Sure, he's weird and likes to hang out with kids, but who cares? If the kids are having fun, and he's having fun, and "fun" doesn't involve any penises whatsoever, then what's wrong with that?

He was already weird looking and diseased (?), and now he's broke and hated too. And it was all because he was weird, and people were either intolerant of that or preyed on it. It sucks that being weird can destroy a person. Weirdness is what makes the world fun, and what makes the world better. If everyone was normal and kept things the same, we'd never make any progress and life would suck and I would stab myself in the face with a rusty spoon because I couldn't handle it.

If I was drinking, and if anybody was around, I'd start a toast to Michael Jackson. Yay Michael.

Sunday, June 12, 2005


I have been setting up a Gmail account, which is a web-based email thing like Hotmail, but better. So I tried signing up with "phronk", and it informed me that it was taken. Taken! Some asshole had taken the sign-in name which I have been using since the birth of the internet. So I used "phronko" instead, but it just doesn't have the same ring to it. I cried.

Later, I searched Technorati, a site where you can search blogs for stuff, for "Phronk", to see if anybody was talking about me. The only result was this web site. Apparently some other dude named Frank has decided to call himself Phronk. Furthermore, he wrote in his blog that he had taken "phronk" as his gmail account! Ironically, the only reason he had taken "phronk" as his name was because his original choice, "fronk", was taken.

So now there's probably a "phronko" out there cursing me for taking his precious nickname.

P.S. I really did write that last post from a bathroom at school, using my cell phone. Isn't that awesome? I can now log every shit I squirt out, as I squirt it. Get it? LOG? HAHAHDHAHDSAHAHHADHFASodfudahe

Friday, June 10, 2005


I am writing this while i shit @ school!

Link to Another Blog

So one of the fun things about blogs is that you're supposed to link to other blogs, right? Well I've never done that, so I better start. Postsecret ( ) is a blog where people anonymously send in their deepest, darkest secrets written on a postcard. The secrets are then posted there for the world to see. A lot of them are funny, and a lot are actually quite touching and human. It's worth checking out. So do it.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

The Return of

Be sure to check out all the links there to the right. I've added all the good stuff from the old Some is somewhat recent stuff, but a lot of it is old stuff that I created when I was just a wee teenager discovering the internet for the first time. It's horribly embarassing for me, but you can see just how geeky I was, and feel better about your childhood.


So is what our dog, Willow, looks like. Awwww.

Backstreet's Back, Alright

Ok so my web page is working again, and completely different than it was before. I was alone and bored for a while, so I just totally redid this site. I hope to put my old stuff back up, but laziness has overcome me once again.

I also have a camera now. Not a real camera, but a cell phone camera, which is something at least. So I can put pretty pictures up here instead of this brain-hurting text, and pretend my life is important enough to share with the world. Hooray!

My Web Site is Broken

JESUS GOD DAMN CHRIST! My entire web site has broken. I am working on fixing it so I can begin blogging again. I have discovered that blogging is actually considered cool now. That still doesn't make me cool, but at least I'm one step closer.

See you later.

P.S. Nobody can even read this because the site is broken, so I don't know why I'm typing it. I'm such a loser.