Friday, October 21, 2005

Smart? (Part 4: Bigfoot vs. Dracula)

(Read Part One first)
(Then Part Two)
(And Part Three)

I woke up this morning to find that the city had moved into the season of fall. I swear I could see my breath in my bedroom. I looked out the window; no snow yet. However, my ninja senses picked up danger. I looked out over Western road, and saw a large truck/SUV/tank thing driving down the road. In the back was a blanket covering a large mass. A brown patch of fur sticking out told me that it was Bigfoot. Had he survived? Or was somebody carting the body around?


Then I noticed who was driving the truck. As I suspected all along, it was Dracula. Who else could have created those undead kangaroos for Bigfoot?

Let's compare Dracula and Bigfoot for a second. Dracula can be killed with a stake through the heart or direct sunlight, while Bigfoot is at his strongest during the day, and has a heart made out of pure steel. Bigfoot can run faster than a cheetah on the ground, but Dracula can turn into a bat and fly at supersonic speeds. Dracula is polite, charismatic and charming, while Bigfoot doesn't even wash his hands after going to the bathroom. Dracula is also repelled by garlic. Well let me tell you something about Bigfoot...he loves garlic. Bigfoot once killed every man, woman and child at a garlic factory just to steal a few pounds of garlic.

So, it would appear that the two monsters are complete opposites. Why would they be hanging out together? Well you see, one's strengths make up for the other's weaknesses. If Bigfoot and Dracula wanted to infiltrate a wooden stake factory, then Dracula could charm the armed guards into letting Bigfoot inside, who could then go inside and destroy the stakes without fear of poking himself. They are the perfect pair.

Things looked worse than ever. I chose not to pursue the truck...they were close enough to finding where I live without me giving it away. I prayed that Bigfoot was dead, being driven to a funeral by his undead friend. Somehow, though, I doubted it.




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