Tuesday, October 04, 2005
(Part One is Here)
(Part Two is Here)
So, our car has finally arrived. We went to pick it up on Friday after waiting like four months for it. That's because we custom ordered it exactly like we wanted it...the right colours and sound system and everything. We were temporarily retarded when we ordered, so it's the top of the line smart that looks all fancy. Soon we will be broke and eating stale dirt for dinner.
However, it is a beautiful little car. I will post some pictures here when I have some.
After bringing it home, I realized that I now had the freedom to go wherever I want. I'm no longer at the mercy of bus routes and going to places that both me and V want to go. I can get up at any time and drive wherever the hell I want.
So where was the first place I went? Taco Bell. V hates Taco Bell, so I haven't been there in years and years.
I arrived and picked up the new Crunch Wrap supreme. As I got my funky new smart keychain out of my pocket and prepared to leave, there was an explosion at the front of the store! It was friggin Bigfoot again! Only this time he had brought along his army of undead kangaroos with him. Experts in explosives, the kangaroos hopped through the new hole in Taco Bell's wall, throwing joeys full of napalm at me.
I dodged with expert skill and grabbed some hot sauce packets. I began squirting them, aiming for the eyes. A few went down, clawing at their burning sockets, but more hopped in to take their place. Taco Bell employees were burning alive, but to my surprise, the surviving employees were putting their fallen comrades into meat grinders and making tacos. I knew it!
I reasoned that the only way to get out of this alive would be to take out their leader: Bigfoot himself. I crawled under the counter and picked up a bucket of concentrated Pepsi. While tasty in small doses, I knew that it was horribly toxic when consumed in its raw form. Using my ninja powers to turn invisible, I snuck up behind Bigfoot and poured an entire tub of raw Pepsi into his mouth.
Bigfoot's eyes bulged out of his head. His mouth began to foam. I took advantage of the momentary distraction and made a run for the border. With his last breath, Bigfoot said: "I'll get you next time! You and that environmentally friendly fuel efficient car!", because there are three things which are certain in life: death, taxes, and the fact that Bigfoot hates nature.
I sped home, using hardly any fuel, and finally got a chance to relax. I ate my Crunch Wrap supreme, knowing that I deserved a reward for a job well done. Bigfoot's plan to destroy all of nature had failed...I had finally killed Bigfoot.
OR HAD I?!?!?!!!!1?!