Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Londont

After that last post of mine, I decided to look around for blogs from London Ontario, to see if I actually was the first person on the internet to break the horrible news of whatever happened down the street.

Yes, I'm a dork.

But anyway, I didn't find any news about that, but I did find some charming little blogs from London. It's kinda cool to see local stuff being blogged. Like this one here from a person who apparently works at city hall. Cool...inside information. Then there's Overheard at Western, where someone posts fun things which were overheard at various locations in London. Having overheard many wonderful things myself, I think it's a great idea to post them for the world to see. I aspire to be overheard myself and put on that blog someday.

So I'm thinking I should start posting more about the city I live in. It would make this blog seem more relevant, at least to local folk, and maybe people would actually read it. Here is my local comment for today: apparently Wonderland Gardens burned to the ground on Monday. Now everyone is saying they have such great memories about it.

Here are my memories about the place: I remember driving by the big "Wonderland" sign when I was young, and being very confused because I thought Wonderland was in Toronto. When I asked my parents, they said something about Guy Lombardo. I guess he played there or something. I still don't really know who he is.

My memories become more fuzzy as time goes on (my brain is slowly breaking as I get older). I remember driving there for a graduation dance thing ("prom")...but I know it wasn't my own. I know that at one point in my life I did attend someone else's graduation, but it may or may not have been the same time I pulled up outside Wonderland Gardens. That might have been some other place and time. So I may or may not have been there before it got all toasty.

So uhh...yeah...great place. Such memories. Shame it burned down. I guess.


Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Where the Hell is Batman?

Driving home from seeing Batman Begins today (good movie, by the way), I saw about 6 or 7 police cars at some townhouses just down the street, on Western road. More police were walking around with flashlights across the street. Things like this don't happen often in London Ontario, so it must be something big. I have also heard that there may or may not have been a sheet on the ground resembling a body. I'm thinking murder. There was already a big car chase with guns 'n stuff earlier this month. Is London turning into one of those big crime-ridden cities? That would suck lots. London has always been cool because it has all the good stuff from a big city - lots of stuff to do, nice restaurants, etc - but without the crappy stuff of a big city, like being shot all the time. I hope it doesn't lose that balance.

I don't really know why I'm posting about this. Probably because I just wanted to be the first person on the entire internet to comment on something that will probably be big news tomorrow when everyone wakes up.

P.S. Katrina is a bitch.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Other Blog Updated

I have posted a new blog entry on my other blog. Click here to see it. Edit: Links removed; I'm semi-anonymous now.

I've decided to update that other blog from time to time with boring real life stuff...like stuff about school and work and life. I'll reserve this blog for made up bigfoot stories and stuff about monkey schlongs. But I'll link to the other blog whenever I update there, so that this blog can be the complete story of my life, and the other one can be the edited clean version.

Speaking of which, don't you hate it when you order a CD from a music club or the internet, and it ends up being the clean version, with no swearing? That fucking sucks ass.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Don't Vote Pedro

I love it when something is so cool that it becomes popular, but then it's too popular so it's not cool any more, but it is now cool to make fun of it.

Here is an example.

If you don't get it, see Napoleon Dynamite.

nakedshirt
P.S. Here is another awesome shirt. I want it for Christmas

P.S.S. I used to have a shirt that said "I am Brad Pitt." It was my favourite shirt, and I cried the day it disintegrated in the wash.



Sunday, August 14, 2005

Finding Phronkester

Some recent search terms used to find this web site:

"Weirdest shit on the internet"

"World's weirdest boobies"

"Weird penises"

"Shaved crotch itches"

"Doohan crotch"

"Drukn harcore"

...Yeah. So the kind of people reading this are poor spellers who look for weird body parts, such as Scotty's crotch, and the itchiness associated with said parts. Maybe I should stop talking about such candid topics...I'm attracting the wrong crowd.

Site Update

The Quotes Section of the site has been updated with a few new quotes. Click the link above, or scroll down the sidebar to the right to get to the quotes section and all the other fun content here. Do it.

Oh, and I know that some people out there are reading this web page. You knew about the smart car, and that was supposed to be a secret. So you should leave comments and sign the guestbook! It makes me feel important. Do it.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Ligers and Bears, Oh My

There haven't been many pictures here lately, so here is a picture of some men hugging a giant liger.

That's right, liger. It's pretty much my favourite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed...bred for its skills in magic.


The Neighbours (Part 1)

As some of you know, V and I recently moved to a new place. It's a little townhouse near the university, which is quite nice. However, one thing which is both amusing and annoying, is that our neighbours are completely fucked up. We can see the row of townhouses and a parking lot across from us by looking out the front window, and since that's where the neighbours' kids (of which there are about 200) tend to play, we have a good view of them a lot of the time.

There are lots of fun stories to tell you about them, so I'll split this into a few parts, and keep you updated on their exploits.

One thing they have been doing lately is playing with the family car. A few days ago we looked out our window to find 5 or 6 kids crawling all over the car. With shoes and everything, they were stomping on the roof of the car and climbing up and down the windshield. A few other kids apparently felt left out, so they started swarming the van next door.

This isn't really new. I frequently hear horns honking outside, because the kids think it's HILARIOUS to go into a car and honk the horn. Apparently the parents agree, because they leave the doors unlocked and don't do anything about it. Another fun game the kids play is "tossing a baseball bat around in the parking lot", and metallic clunking sounds are not uncommon, as they play it right beside the family car. This car also recently acquired a big scratch along its side to match the footprints and baseball bat marks. Apparently the parents are as shitty at driving as they are at parenting.

Just today was another demonstration. V looked out the front window and thought one of the kids was shitting in the parking lot. Upon closer examination though, he was actually just squatting under the car, right behind the rear wheel. Not really a good place to hang out.

But hey, I don't have kids, so I won't tell anybody else how to raise their kids. Maybe being squished like a grape by multi-tonne chunks of metal is good for them.

To be continued...

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Spamazing

I've gotten some weird spam lately. Here is an example:

Hi
We just interest will u read spam if

it will contain something like this :

1)First one

Lazy Sock Puppets
spacer

Why don't sock puppets ever get anything done?

They always have a thumb up their a$$!


2)Second

Men and Women
spacer
I'M GLAD I'M A MAN

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.

I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where
I want to -- north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.
And I don't go around checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am; I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections; I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown; and I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt; my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.
And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch; or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.

P.S. mail to spamrecrut@yahoo.com

1) We do not unsubscribe anymore becouse abusses go to unsubscribe url.
2) If we unsubscribe u others spamers are not.
3) If u abuse this e-mail we will never make spam more usefull.


This spam isn't even advertising anything...it's just telling me that it is spam, then some sort of "jokes", and an email address. I guess they want me to e-mail the address with something like "OMG...WTF?", and then verify that my address is real and they can start selling it to real spammers. Weird way of going about it though.

Here is another one:


Subject: Learn to build simple and clean websites that can bring in the dough

Enabling the digital future.

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.


The body has nothing to do with the subject. Because the body makes no sense. Particularly weird is the bizarre definition of a phonograph. What does this spammer have against phonographs? And why is he sharing it with me?

Weird.

But both of these got through my spam filter, so I guess they're doing something "right".

Some good can come of spam. I can post it here for the amusement of others. Or I could go through the spam subject lines and make little poorly drawn comics based on each one. Unfortunately, somebody has already done that at Spamusement.com. Check it out.