Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween everybody! Since it is difficult to give out candy over the internet, I have a few Halloween presents for you in the form of links to fun stuff.

First of all, click here to see Jessica Alba completely naked (warning: links from that site may contain porn). Enjoy, boys and lesbians. *

Second, there is the Halloween edition of Jesus Dress-Up. I spent hours there today trying to dress up Jesus as a skeleton dressed up as an M&M wearing a cowboy hat.



* And bisexual men, and bisexual women, and straight transexual men, and homosexual men who still enjoy seeing naked women, and men who think they are homosexual women on the inside, and eskimos.


Sunday, October 30, 2005

More Fun With Owls

Now, whenever somebody says something that they think is funny, but actually is not funny, I will think of this owl. Soon my thoughts will consist entirely of text plastered over pictures of owls.


Thursday, October 27, 2005

I'm Going Insane. O RLY?

I hate it when stupid internet stuff gets stuck in my head. For example, lately whenever someone says "oh really?", or I find myself saying it, this image pops into my head:

O RLY?

This has been posted all over the internet. It's not really funny...it barely even makes sense (but see here for a bit of an explanation). Yet it just pops in my head all the time. I've stopped saying anything interesting or even mildly unbelievable, just in case someone says "oh, really?" to me, causing this:

O RLY?

Sometimes it's not even caused by anything. I'll just be sitting there, or trying to get to sleep, when suddenly:

O RLY?

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!

O RLY?

Well, at least there's this:

YA RLY.


Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Movie Review: Serenity

Serenity is the best movie I've seen this year. Maybe I'm just forgetting some great movies, but I don't think I've been as captivated by any other movies in recent months.

Serenity is the movie spin-off of the cancelled TV show Firefly, about outlaws in a vision of space resembling a blend of the old west and China. I'm also a big fan of the show, which should never have been cancelled. It could have been a huge hit if Fox hadn't screwed up its marketing...not to mention showing the episodes out of order. This isn't CSI...it matters which order you watch shows in, or it just won't make sense. What were they thinking?

But anyway, I'm glad that the show managed to survive in the form of a movie. One thing that worried me was that it would end up being a long episode of the show...things would happen, but at the end, everything would be back to normal and ready for the next episode/sequel. Luckily, that's not the case. This movie has balls. Major things happen, and it doesn't feel at all like a 2-hour TV show.

Anybody who is even remotely interested in sci-fi, Westerns, or sci-fi Westerns will like this movie. Hell, anybody who likes movies will like this movie. V liked it, and I heard other girls coming out of the theatre talking about how great it was. Girls! They aren't even supposed to like sci-fi!

Ok, so enough sexist gushing. Just go see Serenity, then buy the DVD. A sequel needs to be made, and the only way that will happen is if lots of people spend money on the first one. It did so-so at the box office, but if enough people continue to buy DVDs (of both the show and movie) it may be enough. With sequels coming out that nobody cares about, like The Whole Ten Yards, Analyze That, Earmuffs of Zorro (or whatever it's called), and Meet the Fockers, certainly a sequel to Serenity can be made.


Friday, October 21, 2005

Smart? (Part 4: Bigfoot vs. Dracula)

(Read Part One first)
(Then Part Two)
(And Part Three)

I woke up this morning to find that the city had moved into the season of fall. I swear I could see my breath in my bedroom. I looked out the window; no snow yet. However, my ninja senses picked up danger. I looked out over Western road, and saw a large truck/SUV/tank thing driving down the road. In the back was a blanket covering a large mass. A brown patch of fur sticking out told me that it was Bigfoot. Had he survived? Or was somebody carting the body around?


Then I noticed who was driving the truck. As I suspected all along, it was Dracula. Who else could have created those undead kangaroos for Bigfoot?

Let's compare Dracula and Bigfoot for a second. Dracula can be killed with a stake through the heart or direct sunlight, while Bigfoot is at his strongest during the day, and has a heart made out of pure steel. Bigfoot can run faster than a cheetah on the ground, but Dracula can turn into a bat and fly at supersonic speeds. Dracula is polite, charismatic and charming, while Bigfoot doesn't even wash his hands after going to the bathroom. Dracula is also repelled by garlic. Well let me tell you something about Bigfoot...he loves garlic. Bigfoot once killed every man, woman and child at a garlic factory just to steal a few pounds of garlic.

So, it would appear that the two monsters are complete opposites. Why would they be hanging out together? Well you see, one's strengths make up for the other's weaknesses. If Bigfoot and Dracula wanted to infiltrate a wooden stake factory, then Dracula could charm the armed guards into letting Bigfoot inside, who could then go inside and destroy the stakes without fear of poking himself. They are the perfect pair.

Things looked worse than ever. I chose not to pursue the truck...they were close enough to finding where I live without me giving it away. I prayed that Bigfoot was dead, being driven to a funeral by his undead friend. Somehow, though, I doubted it.




Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Zombie Walk 2005

I came across an article today about Zombie Walk 2005: an event where hundreds of people dressed up as zombies wandered the streets of Vancouver.

There are only a few things in life which make me have faith in humanity. This is one of them. It also makes me damn proud to be Canadian.

If you click on the image to the right, you can see (literally) a thousand more pictures from this historic event.

P.S. Land of the Dead is out on DVD now. I still haven't seen it, and I hate myself for it.



Movie Review: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Lately, V and I have been renting movies from some little independent video store, rather than Blockbuster. It's a lot cheaper for one thing, plus Blockbuster's "no more late fees...now we call them restocking fees!" is kinda dumb. To save even more money, we get somewhat old movies, because they're 3 for $6.00. Nice.

The latest one we watched was Sky Captain, which I thoroughly enjoyed. The first thing you notice about this movie is its striking retro-futuristic style, which is just awesome. The juxtaposition of great special effects and horribly shitty special effects kinda fits this theme, so doesn't get in the way too much (I heard that almost the entire movie was shot in front of a green screen. It doesn't look great, but I can see this technique being used and overused a lot more in the future.) The plot and characters have about as much depth as the computer generated backgrounds, but this movie doesn't take itself seriously. It's a shallow, fun action movie, not unlike a modern Indiana Jones.

There is one thing I could complain about in this movie. The name "Sky Captain" implies that this dude is a captain of...you know...the sky. However, I'd say that only half of the action takes place in the sky. On the other hand, if the movie were called "Floor Captain", then I'd probably be complaining that there were too many airplanes in this movie about the captain of the floor. So I can't win.

I give Sky Captain a rating of 10 fingers and 6 toes out of 20 digits.


Tuesday, October 18, 2005

This is a Post About Mistakes I Have Made in This Blog and Also Includes a Random Picture

I came across this article today, which is about the top 10 mistakes in blogging. What I find funny is that some of the "mistakes" are things encouraged by this article about "how to blog". For example, some of the mistakes in the first article are about not being personal enough, while the second article recommends you keep your blog anonymous and hide it from your friends and family, so that you can write whatever the hell you want.

Reading both of these articles, I'll take some advice from each. One mistake mentioned in the first is that the headings of blog postings should be descriptive, and not cute clever things that make no sense out of context. That describes almost every one of my titles. So I will make them clearer from now on. The second article implies that random pictures are good, because people like pictures. So here is a random picture of a snowman on a tractor. Isn't it COOL? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAFHFSDAjklf

In general, I think it's odd to blog about blogging, which is what a lot of bloggers do. It's kinda like listening to a person who only talks about talking. There's really no content to it, it's just information about itself. So I'll stop blogging about blogging and log out like a snogging frog.


Monday, October 17, 2005

On Strike

I just figured out discovered how to cross stuff out so now I will never always write everything that comes into my head without editing anything as I type because I can always just cross it out later yoda. Today was such a busy day that I wanted to kill myself and spit on my own corpse wished I wasn't in school and doing two jobs. There is just so much shit crap to do lately that I feel like I don't have time to actually live my life. I'm so busy with school that I can't learn anything or produce anything. School has actually made me completely useless more stupid than I would be if I was just living life and reading about what I'm interested in. such as erotic Pokemon fan fiction Ah well, I guess things will get back to normal again soon and I'll actually be learning something in school university, and maybe even enjoying it. I can't think of anything funny to type bye now

Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Cowboy Menace

I have noticed a growing cowboy problem in London as of late. Last night I went to Downtown Kathy Brown's * , and it seemed like half of the people there were wearing cowboy hats. What the hell?

And a few nights earlier, we were getting into our brand new car, when we were accosted by three cowboys. They told use that they had come into town to do some car tipping.

We managed to get away with our lives by letting them sit in our car. Too bad they got their dirty dirty cowboy dirt all over the formerly spotless floormats.

When will it end?

* P.S. I think I also got poisoned at Downtown Kathy Brown's. I woke up puking this morning, even though I really didn't drink that much. I also felt cold and shaky, which is unusual for a hangover. It was probably a cowgirl, slipping something into my drink so she could slip into my pants. Too bad I'm taken. Stupid cowgirls.


Friday, October 14, 2005

Shiny

I don't normally just post links to stuff, but this is one of the best things I've ever seen. It's better if I don't say anything. Just watch it:

The Shining.

That's the best one, but there are also these:

West Side Story

Titanic

Enjoy!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

iPod Video

Today Apple announced that the iPod will play video content, such as TV shows and music videos.

I think it's cool and all, but how many people will use this? Having portable music is great because there are a lot of situations where you can listen to music while you're out of the house: walking to school, driving, working out, etc. But how many places, other than your house, do you have the urge to watch a video? I can see how it'd be cool to whip out your iPod at the bar and settle the bet on how many times Hurley said "dude" in the latest episode of Lost. Or if you have a long bus ride to work, you could catch up on last night's TV. The thing with video is that it requires your full attention, and attention is an increasingly rare thing these days. Taking up half of it with music can enhance all sorts of activities, but with video it's the only activity you can be doing.

Another thing I find odd is that this iPod comes so soon after the last iPod. I thought it was only a few months ago that the iPod was updated to be in colour and show photos. I remember the days when your brand new computer would be obsolete a year after you bought it, and you'd be all like "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I JUST BOUGHT THIS THING A YEAR AGO AND NOW ZORK 2 WON'T RUN ON IT". These days, you get a new gadget for Christmas, and it's a paperweight by Valentines Day.

Oooh and look, it comes in black now. Everything was black two years ago, and Apple was strikingly original because their stuff was white. Now it's awesome that they're making black stuff. Two years from now they'll switch back to white and we'll piss ourselves in excitement, wondering why nobody had thought to make white electronics before.

With all that said, I want an iPod for Christmas. Buy me one please.


Monday, October 10, 2005

The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed

I have finally finished reading Stephen King's Dark Tower series.

Usually, finishing a novel wouldn't be a big deal. Nothing to blog about. However, this series of books has played a big role in my life. I read the first book, The Gunslinger, when I was in grade 8...I think that was 1991. My 11 year old mind probably barely understood it, but I remember it had an effect on me. The surreal world that King had started to create lodged itself in my mind and wouldn't leave. It still hasn't.

The first 3 books in the series were the first books I ever read more than once, when I reread all of them before reading the fourth book. When the revised edition of The Gunslinger was released, I rereread all of them again for the 3rd time. In between, I read all of the books which relate to the Dark Tower series, which is just about every other Stephen King book ever published. I have spent more time in this fictional world (or series of worlds, more accurately) than any other.

The seventh and final book took me many months to read. It's not that it was a bad book, or that I wasn't motivated to continue reading. I think I just wanted to prolong the experience, knowing that after I finished that book, the story was over. No more Dark Tower.

Now that it is over, I am conflicted over how to feel about it. King himself says that it's really about the journey, not the ending. Without giving anything away, the ending of The Dark Tower seems to embody this philosophy somewhat. It doesn't tie everything together or do a big reveal. What it does do is manage to feel like it makes sense, even if it doesn't when you think about it rationally. Not entirely.

In that sense, it is satisfying on an emotional level. And overall, the 14 years I have spent reading these books (off and on) have been very satisfying. Goodbye, Dark Tower series. It's been fun.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Smart? (Part Three)

smart car

(Part One is Here)
(Part Two is Here)

So, our car has finally arrived. We went to pick it up on Friday after waiting like four months for it. That's because we custom ordered it exactly like we wanted it...the right colours and sound system and everything. We were temporarily retarded when we ordered, so it's the top of the line smart that looks all fancy. Soon we will be broke and eating stale dirt for dinner.

However, it is a beautiful little car. I will post some pictures here when I have some.

After bringing it home, I realized that I now had the freedom to go wherever I want. I'm no longer at the mercy of bus routes and going to places that both me and V want to go. I can get up at any time and drive wherever the hell I want.

So where was the first place I went? Taco Bell. V hates Taco Bell, so I haven't been there in years and years.

I arrived and picked up the new Crunch Wrap supreme. As I got my funky new smart keychain out of my pocket and prepared to leave, there was an explosion at the front of the store! It was friggin Bigfoot again! Only this time he had brought along his army of undead kangaroos with him. Experts in explosives, the kangaroos hopped through the new hole in Taco Bell's wall, throwing joeys full of napalm at me.

I dodged with expert skill and grabbed some hot sauce packets. I began squirting them, aiming for the eyes. A few went down, clawing at their burning sockets, but more hopped in to take their place. Taco Bell employees were burning alive, but to my surprise, the surviving employees were putting their fallen comrades into meat grinders and making tacos. I knew it!

I reasoned that the only way to get out of this alive would be to take out their leader: Bigfoot himself. I crawled under the counter and picked up a bucket of concentrated Pepsi. While tasty in small doses, I knew that it was horribly toxic when consumed in its raw form. Using my ninja powers to turn invisible, I snuck up behind Bigfoot and poured an entire tub of raw Pepsi into his mouth.

Bigfoot's eyes bulged out of his head. His mouth began to foam. I took advantage of the momentary distraction and made a run for the border. With his last breath, Bigfoot said: "I'll get you next time! You and that environmentally friendly fuel efficient car!", because there are three things which are certain in life: death, taxes, and the fact that Bigfoot hates nature.

I sped home, using hardly any fuel, and finally got a chance to relax. I ate my Crunch Wrap supreme, knowing that I deserved a reward for a job well done. Bigfoot's plan to destroy all of nature had failed...I had finally killed Bigfoot.

OR HAD I?!?!?!!!!1?!