Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Cats and Dogs

Today was two days after Easter, and that means it's CHEAP CHOCOLATE DAY! I moseyed on over to Zellers, and to my delight all their Easter chocolate was a full 50% off. I loaded up two bags worth of the stuff. It will probably be gone in two days, and I'll be 20 pounds heavier, but it's worth it. This is a once-a-year opportunity.

One of the more interesting goodies I got was this: a chocolate dog.

chocolate dog 1


Isn't it cute? Yes. It's too cute. Why would I ever want to tear it apart and consume it? That's just sick. It's even worse if we zoom out:

chocolate dog 2


Pictures of cute real dogs adorn the box. Is this so we can imagine that the chocolate puppy we're tearing apart and stuffing in our mouths is representative of the real thing? And I tend to avoid eating products with dogs on the packaging. It's usually either dog food, or [insert joke about China].

[laugh]

I'll save this chocolate for last, but I'm sure I'll eat it eventually. That's what chocolate addiction does to you...makes you do things you'd never normally do, just for a fix. It ruins lives, man.

In other happy culinary news, I heard that Tom Cruise wanted to eat Katie Holmes' placenta when she gave birth. I had a nice link to a news story about this, complete with the history of placenta-eating and a delicious recipe for cooking placenta, but it seems to have disappeared. No matter, because that news is so yesterday ...TomKat have now officially given birth! It's a baby girl, which they * named TomKitten. Apparently the birth took place in a secret Scientology church, where goat sacrifices were made and Katie was stabbed in the eye with a hot spoon every time she cried out in pain. Scientologists believe that this releases the alien robot ghosts which cause all human suffering. I'm making this up, but when we're talking about a religion based in science fiction, adding more fiction just makes it even funner.

They should make chocolate placentas to celebrate this momentous occasion.



* (the media)

8 comments:

The Holywriter said...

give it time.

Pappy said...

I loaded up discount candy too!

toobusyliving said...

Yeah...placenta eating...I just don't get you straights and your weird sex practices.

Phronk said...

Hey now, Tom Cruise is clearly on your side. The marriages are just a massive coverup.

Captain Bee said...

I like the post-Easter sale better than the post-Halloween sale, because there is less of the 'individually-packaged' bullshit and thus better deals.

Jason said...

Well I can tell you what isn't 50% off after Easter -- beer at the Roger's Centre.

Ouch, my head.

sarah said...

i'm not one to stick of for creepy Tom Cruise because I think he is the worst that humanity has to offer, but he was just joking about eating the placenta i think. it seemed quoted way out of context and it is easy to make him sound effed... because he totally is. that's what I gathered from what I read. It doesn't take away from... you know... the atrocity that is Tom Cruise, but yeah.

oh, and that's a great chocolate on sale tip. I hope i'm not to late for cute chocolate things... i can not communicate with words, noises, interpretative dance or anything expression of this earth how much I love chocolate. before I ate him I would say, "i'm about to take a bite outta you, dawg." or something equally as hilarious! I'm very funny with clever puns. words can't quite express that either.

Phronk said...

Yeah, he was joking. I'm all for politically incorrect jokes, but Cruise seems to have gotten himself into a boy-who-cried-wolf situation. He's said so many actually-crazy things that any joking-crazy things he says are interpreted as the real thing.

Your clever statement of how impossible it is to express love of chocolate perfectly expressed how much I love chocolate too ...(?). Referring to the cute chocolate dog as "him" just makes it worse to eat him though. :)