One of the more interesting goodies I got was this: a chocolate dog.
Isn't it cute? Yes. It's too cute. Why would I ever want to tear it apart and consume it? That's just sick. It's even worse if we zoom out:
Pictures of cute real dogs adorn the box. Is this so we can imagine that the chocolate puppy we're tearing apart and stuffing in our mouths is representative of the real thing? And I tend to avoid eating products with dogs on the packaging. It's usually either dog food, or [insert joke about China].
I'll save this chocolate for last, but I'm sure I'll eat it eventually. That's what chocolate addiction does to you...makes you do things you'd never normally do, just for a fix. It ruins lives, man.
In other happy culinary news, I heard that Tom Cruise wanted to eat Katie Holmes' placenta when she gave birth. I had a nice link to a news story about this, complete with the history of placenta-eating and a delicious recipe for cooking placenta, but it seems to have disappeared. No matter, because that news is so yesterday ...TomKat have now officially given birth! It's a baby girl, which they * named TomKitten. Apparently the birth took place in a secret Scientology church, where goat sacrifices were made and Katie was stabbed in the eye with a hot spoon every time she cried out in pain. Scientologists believe that this releases the alien robot ghosts which cause all human suffering. I'm making this up, but when we're talking about a religion based in science fiction, adding more fiction just makes it even funner.
They should make chocolate placentas to celebrate this momentous occasion.
* (the media)