Friday, June 16, 2006

One Hundred Original Ideas for Horror Movies (#12 - 16)

See #1 to #5 for the first 5 and an explanation, then #6 to #10 for more. #11 is a secret hidden bonus.

Today's ideas revolve around a central theme: Superstition.
  • 12. Playoff Beard: A hockey player forgets to shave his playoff beard after winning the Stanley Cup, and discovers that he continues to have good luck. He never gets red lights, there is a bank error in his favor (collect $200), and he continues to win every hockey game. A rival team attempts to break into his house at night to shave his rapidly growing beard, but, as luck would have it, there is a terrible storm that night and the entire team is struck by lightning. A few years later, his beard is 10 feet long. It's starting to get really itchy, so he shaves just a few hairs off. His luck runs out; the next night, he rolls over the wrong way and is strangled to death by his own beard.

    Commodore playoff beard


  • 13. Pants on Fire: A government experiment gone horribly wrong causes everyone on earth to burst into flames whenever they tell a lie. We discover that even the most mundane human interactions often involve lying to some extent. At first, people learn to be brutally honest at all times, but this leads to conflicts both small (Girlfriend: "does this make me look fat?") and large (World leader: "Was that war really about terrorism?"). Eventually, people stop communicating altogether. With the lack of communication, nobody even notices when the problem suddenly goes away. Think "Liar Liar", except on a grander scale and with more burning flesh.

  • 14. Bless You: Satan decides to start stealing peoples' souls...but he can only do it when they sneeze. The only way to prevent your soul from leaving your body (with such force that it rips your head off in the process) is to have someone else say "bless you" within seconds of the sneeze. Many tense moments ensue, with lots of "aahhhhh.... ahhhhh.... aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.. ...... .....CHOO!" scenes. People need to stay in groups all the time, constantly ready to say the words if someone in the group sneezes. It's a heartwarming story of love and triumph over evil. Until Satan releases Bird Flu, and there's just too much sneezing to keep up with. Gesundheit!

  • 15. Step on a Crack: And you break your mother's back. Since it's pretty much impossible to avoid stepping on cracks, all the world's moms are paralyzed. Actually...this would just be depressing. Shitty idea.


Mirror - Seven Years of Bad Luck
  • 16. Seven Years: A man breaks a mirror and actually gets 7 years of bad luck. Whenever chance is involved, he gets the worst possible result; he gets every red light, there is a bank error and he loses all his money, and he can't even win a game of UNO. He tries to use this to his advantage by going to the track and betting on every horse but one, knowing the one he doesn't bet on will win. He gets a friend to place a huge bet on that horse. But bad luck finds a way. A gust of wind sweeps the friend's ticket out of her hand, and happens to blow it right under the foot of the horse whose name is printed on it, just as it crosses the finish line in first place. The ticket is destroyed, and so is the man. He locks himself in a shack in the woods to shut himself off from the outside world for seven years. His luck returns, however, when he stops shaving and grows a wonderous playoff beard.

    Lesson of the day: Beards make the world go 'round.


12 comments:

The Stevo in H-Town said...

Funny stuff...neat howya brought it back around...

Sincerely,
R Serling

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I believe in comedy, they call that "recall".

Great stuff, Phronk!

The Stevo in H-Town said...

Phronk...btw, Jus'when Im thinkin' I might steer away from Dani's blog...you come along and tryta bitch slap her into reality...It's Shit like that, that'll keep her on my "buddy" list..

Nölff said...

We are going to win the Stanly Cup tonight.
Satan's real name is Stan.

Phronk said...

Thanks, Rod and Steves.

Yeah, Dani's a good buddy. She always keeps us entertained with her craziness.

Nolff: FUCK YOU HOCKEY IS CANADA'S GAME I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL MURDER YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!!11 AND ITS TOMORWRWO NOT TONIGHT FUCKNUT!1!!

But yeah, you'll probably win. :(

sarah said...

these are good, but your sneezing one is too realistic. that happened to a guy i know and now his soul belongs to the devil and he has no head. it's just too close to home. shame on you for your insensitivity.

Jason said...

Um... you'll have to tell me about the merits of horror movies, cause currently, it escapes me.

Phronk said...

Sarah: I actually based it on that guy. Consider it a "tribute"

Jason: It's fun to see horrible things! I guess it taps into some primal urge to experience fear vicariously, perhaps to prepare us for, or draw our attention away from, real-life horrors.

Shora said...

Yay! I love these things. Very clever. I want to cast "Bless You" when it's made into a movie. Paris Hilton, no bless you for you. Kablooey!!

Now I'm off to visit Dani and see what bitch slappin' is happening over there. Good times.

Hey, what's the secret of #11???

Morris said...

Here is another movie idea for you:
Due to a special frequency embeded in all cellphones, all men get erections every time they hear a phone ring.

One lone scientist must race against time to stop a pending terrorist attack that will ring cell phones all over the world.

Nölff said...

WE LOST BECOUSE WE LET YOU WIN AND I FORGOT TO GO TO ESPN.COM TO FIND OUT WHEN THE GAME REALLY WAS!!! YOU GUYS CHEATED ASS WHORE!

Nölff said...

The game is tonight I'm sure.