Today's ideas revolve around a central theme: Superstition.
- 12. Playoff Beard: A hockey player forgets to shave his playoff beard after winning the Stanley Cup, and discovers that he continues to have good luck. He never gets red lights, there is a bank error in his favor (collect $200), and he continues to win every hockey game. A rival team attempts to break into his house at night to shave his rapidly growing beard, but, as luck would have it, there is a terrible storm that night and the entire team is struck by lightning. A few years later, his beard is 10 feet long. It's starting to get really itchy, so he shaves just a few hairs off. His luck runs out; the next night, he rolls over the wrong way and is strangled to death by his own beard.
- 13. Pants on Fire: A government experiment gone horribly wrong causes everyone on earth to burst into flames whenever they tell a lie. We discover that even the most mundane human interactions often involve lying to some extent. At first, people learn to be brutally honest at all times, but this leads to conflicts both small (Girlfriend: "does this make me look fat?") and large (World leader: "Was that war really about terrorism?"). Eventually, people stop communicating altogether. With the lack of communication, nobody even notices when the problem suddenly goes away. Think "Liar Liar", except on a grander scale and with more burning flesh.
- 14. Bless You: Satan decides to start stealing peoples' souls...but he can only do it when they sneeze. The only way to prevent your soul from leaving your body (with such force that it rips your head off in the process) is to have someone else say "bless you" within seconds of the sneeze. Many tense moments ensue, with lots of "aahhhhh.... ahhhhh.... aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.. ...... .....CHOO!" scenes. People need to stay in groups all the time, constantly ready to say the words if someone in the group sneezes. It's a heartwarming story of love and triumph over evil. Until Satan releases Bird Flu, and there's just too much sneezing to keep up with. Gesundheit!
- 15. Step on a Crack: And you break your mother's back. Since it's pretty much impossible to avoid stepping on cracks, all the world's moms are paralyzed. Actually...this would just be depressing. Shitty idea.
- 16. Seven Years: A man breaks a mirror and actually gets 7 years of bad luck. Whenever chance is involved, he gets the worst possible result; he gets every red light, there is a bank error and he loses all his money, and he can't even win a game of UNO. He tries to use this to his advantage by going to the track and betting on every horse but one, knowing the one he doesn't bet on will win. He gets a friend to place a huge bet on that horse. But bad luck finds a way. A gust of wind sweeps the friend's ticket out of her hand, and happens to blow it right under the foot of the horse whose name is printed on it, just as it crosses the finish line in first place. The ticket is destroyed, and so is the man. He locks himself in a shack in the woods to shut himself off from the outside world for seven years. His luck returns, however, when he stops shaving and grows a wonderous playoff beard.
Lesson of the day: Beards make the world go 'round.