Tuesday, August 14, 2007

One Hundred Original Ideas for Horror Movies (#22 - 23)

See also: Explanation and #1 to #5 , #6 to #10 , #12-16.
#17 - 21.


  • 22. Trolls: There are barely any movies about trolls. But the ones that do exist fail to paint a consistent picture of exactly what a troll is. In the seminal 1986 movie "Troll", a kid named Harry Potter (yes, seriously) fights a little leprechaun-like troll that turns people into plant pods. In J. K. Rowling's world of what I will now call "the fake Harry Potter", as well as in The Lord of the Rings, trolls are giant, dumb creatures with clubs. In fairy tails, trolls live under bridges and converse with billy goats. In Discworld, they're rock creatures. In Dungeons and Dragons, they're...uh, I have no idea? How would I know? (the first rule about fight club is...)

    Anyway, my trolls are small yellow creatures, with mushrooms for hair and cinnamon rolls for eyes. They enjoy fine wine and jump-rope, and can frequently be found licking the slime off of abandoned aquariums. Trolls breathe out pepper spray and shit out puppies of various breeds. When a local breeder of Siamese fighting fish discovers a troll in his yard, he captures it and forces it to produce puppies to fuel his side business: Competitive dog fighting. He forces the puppies to fight for months, but one day returns home to find that all the puppies are gone, and in their place are mysterious plant pods. The pods suddenly split open, and emerging from the cocoons are vicious giant trolls, of the Lord of the Rings variety, with dogs for heads!

    The dog fighter gets bludgeoned with clubs and bitten by dog-heads until he dies a slow, painful death. Hahahhaha....DIE MICHAEL VICK! Er...I mean, die fictional character! Yeah.


  • 23. Clips: You know those hair clips that girls have? The plastic ones with sharp teeth that can snap shut with great force? Those things are scary. Imagine they came alive and snapped shut on sensitive body parts. 'Nuff said.

    P.S. The horror is also broadcast on Youtube, but only in short... CLIPS. Get it? Clips? Double meaning? Like "Saw"?


10 comments:

madamerouge said...

Sigourney Weaver could battle the clips as Lt. Ripley.

Salem said...

One minute they are on the end of your pencil and then you spin them around one too many times, and they turn on you.

Damn trolls.

Erica AP said...

You are right... Some clips have such a strong force I'm scared around them. I ask them to back off a bit but they never do...

Shora said...

Yay! I love your Horror Movie Idea posts even more than your Food Logic posts. But neither ever disappoint.

btw, I use clips to discipline my sons. Just kidding.

Diesel said...

You had me at fine wine and jump-rope.

sarah said...

yay! your horror movie ideas are my favourite. I really like your rambling descriptions of trolls too. I could see them in my mind, man! whoa!

mirit said...

There is a Don Bluth movie called 'a troll in central park'. It's about trolls. I highly recommend it if you're into non-Disney 1980s kids animated movies.
- peace.

Ubersehen said...

The hair-clip idea reminds me of a short story by Stephen King called "Chattery Teeth". A man buys a pair of vintage chattery teeth from a rural store and, after being held up by a malicious hitchhiker, discovers that they possess a bit of a nasty personality. I highly recommend it. I think it's in his Nightmares and Dreamscapes collection.

limpy99 said...

The clips idea reminds me of a Saturday Night Live clip from years and years ago, when it was, you know, funny. It was a horror movie about clams.

Mitzzee said...

lmao at the clips...becuz i'm known for wearing them a faux pas, perhaps, alas, funny horror novelty, suits me fine.

great ideas...i have a ton swarming my brain on a regular basis, now if only i had the time to write. besides in blog comments that is. lol