#17 - 21.
- 22. Trolls: There are barely any movies about trolls. But the ones that do exist fail to paint a consistent picture of exactly what a troll is. In the seminal 1986 movie "Troll", a kid named Harry Potter (yes, seriously) fights a little leprechaun-like troll that turns people into plant pods. In J. K. Rowling's world of what I will now call "the fake Harry Potter", as well as in The Lord of the Rings, trolls are giant, dumb creatures with clubs. In fairy tails, trolls live under bridges and converse with billy goats. In Discworld, they're rock creatures. In Dungeons and Dragons, they're...uh, I have no idea? How would I know? (the first rule about fight club is...)
Anyway, my trolls are small yellow creatures, with mushrooms for hair and cinnamon rolls for eyes. They enjoy fine wine and jump-rope, and can frequently be found licking the slime off of abandoned aquariums. Trolls breathe out pepper spray and shit out puppies of various breeds. When a local breeder of Siamese fighting fish discovers a troll in his yard, he captures it and forces it to produce puppies to fuel his side business: Competitive dog fighting. He forces the puppies to fight for months, but one day returns home to find that all the puppies are gone, and in their place are mysterious plant pods. The pods suddenly split open, and emerging from the cocoons are vicious giant trolls, of the Lord of the Rings variety, with dogs for heads!
The dog fighter gets bludgeoned with clubs and bitten by dog-heads until he dies a slow, painful death. Hahahhaha....DIE MICHAEL VICK! Er...I mean, die fictional character! Yeah.
- 23. Clips: You know those hair clips that girls have? The plastic ones with sharp teeth that can snap shut with great force? Those things are scary. Imagine they came alive and snapped shut on sensitive body parts. 'Nuff said.
P.S. The horror is also broadcast on Youtube, but only in short... CLIPS. Get it? Clips? Double meaning? Like "Saw"?