Friday, July 21, 2006

Parking Meter Debauchery

I was walking around campus today, and came across one of those concrete slabs that divide parking lots. I tried to be really cool by hopping up the slanty slide of it and jumping off, landing on the other side. I pulled off the sick maneuver, but then I imagined myself tripping and falling over the slab, and how funny it would be if I did. Then that reminded me of something that happened a few weeks ago, which reminded me that I should update my blog with the story:

I was walking home from the bar with a friend, downtown, pretty late at night. A guy was walking down the sidewalk towards us; he was swaggering like crazy, obviously drunk. Then he saw a parking meter along the road, got a running start, and attempted to jump-kick it. Needless to say, metal parking meters are stronger than feet, so he ended up half-tripping over it, nearly falling on his face. Without breaking his stride, as if he did this all the time, he continued down the sidewalk.

Of course, we thought this was hilarious. This was enhanced by the fact that he looked like a stereotypical dork. Big glasses, messy hair, etc. He resembled a drunken Napoleon Dynamite with a vendetta against parking meters. He passed us, but we continued to watch the guy to see what he did next. He didn't disappoint; after walking for another block, another parking meter caught his eye. He walked up to it, dropped his zipper, and urinated all over it.

Maybe he'd gotten a lot of parking tickets lately. Or maybe he was just mad at the first parking meter because it didn't cooperate with his ninja training. In any case, it was great fun. Thank you, drunken nerd, for entertaining me that night, and again when I remembered it today.


9 comments:

your judgemental aunt said...

Oh you think you're so tough. Standing all straight and tall with buddies just down the street. All of you threatening everyday people just like me. I have dealt with bullies just like you for years. Forcing me to hand over my lunch money. Well I'm sick of it and I won't take it. You will feel my wrath! You're nothing, nothing! Fuck you parking meter! Fuck you.

Phronk said...

It was you! I knew it!

The Stevo in H-Town said...

Could be, da drunk pencil-dick fuck, thought he was hidin' behind sumpthin' so's nobuddy would see him take a piss..

Remind me ta tellya 'bout ol' JD McCants, a drinkin' buddy of da Stevo's, who went home one night after a night of debauchery witda Stevo, and took a rank-ass shit in his kitchen sink...It wuz a "below average" moment, dude..I'm tellinya...

sarah said...

hey this reminds me, when I used to go to Western, we would sneak into the parking lots by lifting up the gates just a bit so our cars could go underneath. We usually did this at night when no one would catch us. This one morning, I was late for school and I had my friend with me who had never done it before so she didn't know how. So I told her, "run out and lift the gate while I drive in." So she lifted it on a 90 degree angle as opposed to the 15 degrees actually required to just drive on under. Ahh! We were in a hurry though, so I just drove in thinking "what is she doing? ahH!" and later that year I got a ticket in the mail for almost $300 from Western parking and they wouldn't realease my transcripts until I paid it. Apparently my friend damaged the gate. I still cringe when i think of it.

Phronk said...

Stevo: Hahah, gross. I don't think I could get that drunk if I tried. A little voice would still be in my head saying "dude, that's where you do your dishes".

Sarah: That sucks! I think it's funny that when you owe Western money (even a small library fine), they hold onto your transcripts like hostages. I guess they gotta make money somehow. Parking should be free at night, though...it's not like people are fighting for spaces then. How the hell did they catch you?

Butchieboy said...

Don't try punching a parking meter, either. Trust me on this.

Jason said...

I tried a running kick at a toilet paper dispenser when I lived in residence. Missed it and just about cracked my head open.

KaraMia said...

Other people are always endless fonts of amusement...helps that I work in a courthouse...our clientle are not always the brightest bulb in the pack

Adorable Girlfriend said...

I was never into the drunken malicious stuff. Inanimate objects just don't do it for me.