Friday, March 21, 2008

Publish and Perish

Not to not brag or nothin', but you are now a friend/acquaintance/worshiper of a published scientific researcher. My first publication finally popped up on the internet recently (even though it was apparently published in 2007, the journal seems to be running behind or something). I'd like to keep this blog anonymous (at least as far as being easily Googled), but if you know my real name you can find the article by searching for [my name] and "optimal distinctiveness" in Google or Google Scholar.

I should also probably write myself into Wikipedia. Is that even allowed?

Optimal distinctiveness refers to the fact that people don't like to feel too different from other people, but also don't like to feel too similar. However, this is true for some people more than others. We found that people who prefer certainty to uncertainty also tend to try thinking of themselves as similar to other people after being made to feel different. In other words, these certainty oriented people tend to want to assimilate back into a crowd when they feel like they are weirdos who don't fit in.

We proved this with advanced science. Here is some science from the article:

Look at that fucking science. It's so sciency that you probably can't even understand it.

There is also math and formulas formulae. Like, omg, check this out:

These equations equationae totally clarify everything.

My favourite part is Fu.

But seriously, you wanna know something messed up about publishing an article in a science journal? To get this article, you either have to be part of an institution that pays a lot of money for access to it, or you have to pay a lot of money for it yourself. Our article costs $43.75 to purchase. Jesus! That's more than most books, just for one article that is, no offense to the authors (none taken), not all that exciting. The even more messed up part is that I don't get a dime of that. Musicians complain that record companies take a large percentage of the profit from record sales. With us, publishers take 100%.

Plus, isn't science supposed to be free, open, and collaborative?

Luckily, with the internet, it's nearly free to distribute a file containing a research article, and many researchers make their own work available free of charge on their personal web sites.

Anyway, I'm done bragging/feeling sorry for my broke self. Bye now.


Dead Robot said...

Congratulations! Big man! Big brain!

Now do psychohistory!

Jennifer said...

u r so smrt.

When I go back to school, how much to do my homework for me?

Phronk said...

Thank you thank you.

Jen, right now, I'd do someone else's homework for a six back of beer, if ethics didn't get in the way. Stupid ethics!

Butchie said...

I use scientry on a daily basis.

Superstar said...

So you are famous? isn't that supposed to be all the payment you need?
~scratches head~
Oh you wanted MONEY!!! HEHEHEHEHHE

isn't that part of being a tenure professor? ~waves hand~
Ahhh what do I know, I just know that I will be in school the rest of my working life!

Jennifer said...

I just checked. There's no ethics courses in my line up. I'm good.

'course, Mike probably wouldn't share his beer anyways.

sarah said...

I giggled when I read this: "no offense to the authors (none taken)"

I liked everything about this journal entry, except the parts about science.

madamerouge said...


I just purchased Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert... for a lot less than your article.

(It extracted a huge toll on my masculinity, though.)