Thursday, March 06, 2008

Wine


Another nice thing about living on my own is that there never needs to be any wine around. Wine is gross. I think the whole idea of wine came about when someone discovered some old nasty grape juice at the back of their fridge, and his friend dared him to drink it. Then another friend double dared him to sell it to other people. Then another friend double dog dared him to sell it to people, and make them think that it was somehow classy to be getting drunk off of carefully rotted fruit juice.

Then again, beer is just barley and hops chewed up and barfed out by little yeast fungus bugs. But at least it only tastes like puke when it's warm.

So if you plan on getting me a house-warming present, don't make it wine. Or do...because who am I kidding...this soul-crushing loneliness doesn't really care what drowns it, as long as it's cheap and it's got a high alcohol percentage.


(But really, it's you who I'm kidding, because living alone isn't so bad. Sometimes it's quite nice, actually.)

6 comments:

Jen said...

Take your blog post, replace all instances of 'wine' with 'beer,' and vice versa, and that would be my post.

Dead Robot said...

Take your blog post, replace all instances of 'wine' with 'Ellen Degeneres' and vice versa, and that would be my post.

Phronk said...

Take your comments, replace all verbs with "twiddle", all adjectives with "nippy", and all nouns with "bollocks", and that would be my comment.

Captain Bee said...

You haven't partied until you've partied with a box of wine.

It comes with a party spout, for fuck's sake!

Jason said...

I find that no one bugs me to stop playing WoW when I'm single. Perhaps that's why I'm single. Perhaps I don't know what I'm talking about.

Phronk said...

Bee: I already have my own party spout. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Jason: Yeah, that's definitely a perk. Playing WoW all night is way better than sex.