Thursday, May 01, 2008

Patch

I got this in my email today:



David Patchell-Evans, or "Patch" as good friends like me like to call him, is the CEO of Goodlife Fitness, a big gym chain based here in London. There are several hilarious things about this ad for his upcoming book. First, there is a lot of creative use of italics, bold, and capitalization. ENERGY must be really important, because it gets all three. Or maybe it just gets preferential treatment because it didn't make it into the title of the book? Or, is "exuding energy" just a euphemism for "sexy", with the italics as a sort of *wink wink*, I don't really mean energy - I mean hot, dirty sex.

Or am I thinking too much about fonts?

The second hilarious thing about this book is the title and cover. THE REAL SEXY, SMART, AND STRONG, with a picture of Patch there, sorta implies that Patchy himself is the real deal, exuding sexiness, smartness, and strongness. I won't comment on Patch's sex appeal, but isn't that sorta arrogant? It'd be like Angelina Jolie putting a book out called I AM SO FUCKING HOT AND SUCH A GREAT ACTRESS: READ THIS BOOK AND MAYBE YOU CAN BE AN OK ACTRESS TOO. But Angelina Jolie is not hot! She looks like a squid creature.

I do think Patchy is a good guy, though, and not an arrogant bastard or fish-person. I haven't seen his ads on local TV in a while, and that makes me sad. And Jesus Christ people, what ever happened to Body Break??? I just haven't been able to get my PARTICIPACTION on since TV stations stopped showing them.





HOLY SHIT IT'S STILL ON!!!



And the music hasn't changed! Watch episodes here, or book Hal & Joanne for your next corporate event.

6 comments:

sunmyst said...

I'm going to have the Body Break song stuck in my head for the rest of the day..

Phronk said...

Oh man, it's been stuck in mine for almost 2 days now. UUUUUNGH, YEEEA-AH.

sarah said...

Hahah. I could have written that book, clearly.

You think angelina Jolie looks like a squid creature? I loled at that.

Phronk said...

She's so not hot most of the time.

Titus said...

Despite keeping it secret from the public for several years, the hosts of body break married in the late 1990s.

I "KNEW" there was sexual tension in all those commercials!

Anonymous said...

I work for the company and i see that big nosed fuck walk around with his douche bag assistant with his gross meat hooks trying to hit on all his employees while he pays everybody nothing. I hope patch reads this and realizes he creates bitter angry employees and maybe then he will start paying more than minimum wage in haiti.