Friday, May 02, 2008

How to Cook Good

This post is going to be very self-indulgent, but that's what a blog is for, right?

I am amazing at making casseroles. I told you about it last time I made one, but I have improved my recipe since then. Because I am also very kind, I will share the recipe with you (and my future self), and show you a picture:

Phronk's "This Tastes So Fucking Awesome" Stuffing-Topped Chicken Vegetable Rice Meal Replacement Casserole Bake

2 large boneless chicken breasts, cubed
1 package stuffing mix
1 can Campbell's cream of mushroom with garlic soup
2 tablespoons sour cream
A few handfuls of vegetables (I used broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, red peppers, and lots of mushrooms), chopped into tiny bits
A handful of onions, chopped up
Some rice. I dunno how much. Why the hell are you asking me? Half a cup maybe?
Lots of cheese, grated.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cook the vegetables in a frying pan until they're slightly crunchier than the amount of crunchiness you desire from your vegetables. Put them in a shallow baking dish. For the onions, cook the shit out of those cocksuckers until they're brown and caramelized. This is key. It gives them a sweet smoky flavour that goes well with the stuffing. Trust me. Put them in the dish. Cook the chicken all the way through, or you will get food poisoning and die. Put it in the dish. Prepare the rice. Put it in the dish. Put half the cheese in the dish. Pour the condensed soup in there too, and fuck, you might as well put the sour cream in too. Mix it all around until everything is ...uh, mixed. If it looks a little dry, then fine, go ahead and add some water. Take a spatula and spank that casserole until it's nice and flat on top.

Your oven better be warm by now. Put the casserole in there for about 15-20 minutes. While that's happening, prepare the stuffing as directed on the box. Take the casserole out and spread the stuffing evenly on top. Put the rest of the cheese on top of that. Bake for another 20 minutes. If you like crunchiness on top - and Jesus, who doesn't? - put your oven on broil for a few minutes. But dammit, don't you walk away, you gotta watch it so it doesn't burn.

Take out of oven. Let stand for a minute. Put in bowl. Eat. Make moaning orgasm noises while you chew.

The best part is that it contains all four food groups, so if you have some dessert handy, all you need is a few scoops of this and you've got a complete meal. It looks very good, doesn't it? It does. I can tell you want some.


Unknown said...

If I wasn't full of delicious Casino Buffet goodness, I would totally want some..

Tai said...

I don't think I can eat AND make moaning orgasom noises at the same time.
I might choke. And nobody likes a choker.

tornwordo said...

That is so my kind of dish.

Phronk said...

Sunmyst: Mmmm, Casino Buffet. I guess it can't quite beat that.

Tai: But people on cooking shows do it all the time! They keep the fork in their mouth and go "Mmmmm, hhnnnn, uuuungh, this is so good". I do wonder if they can really be tasting the food when they're talking instead of actually eating it.

Tornwordo: Nice! You should print out the elegantly written recipe and try it. :)

sarah said...

Haha. You are really getting domestic now, eh?

Phronk said...

I'll make a great housewife someday.

Derek said...

This just might turn into the new drunk food