Wednesday, February 11, 2009

At the Gym

This is the beginning of a potential series profiling the types of people you find at the gym.

First is the incredibly large guy in the tank top and pseudo-stylish hat who wears sunglasses even in the winter, indoors, at night. He waxes every inch of exposed skin and probably goes tanning almost every day. He is at the gym every time you go there, but the strange thing is, he never works out. Rather, he slowly swaggers around the gym, staring at women and men alike, and occasionally engages in shallow 2-minute conversations with similar types. Sometimes he will sit on the piece of equipment you need to use next, for 10 minutes, just kinda hanging out.

Since he never actually does anything, there are only three possible explanations for how he managed to get watermelons for biceps:

1) Drugs.

2) Alien technology.

3) Witchcraft.

In any case, he is only at the gym to hide his terrible secret. He should be avoided because he probably eats babies.


Anonymous said...

Dude, I totally know who you are talking about. He was in my nursing class and he knew more about waxing body hair then all the girls in my class combined. He was always kinda creepy and you weren't sure if there was a lot going on in his head. Good to know he's still around.

Oh. You were talking in general? I guess there are a bunch of twits at the gym where we work out.


Phronk said...

While this applies in general, I am sure we're talking about the same guy. He has plenty of clones, anyway.

Dale said...

It's alien technology walking around taking notes.

Adam Kantor said...

I will defend the baby eating alien hair waxer guy by saying that odds are that if he is indeed that big he's probably only there to maintain his mass by doing very few sets/reps at extremely heavy weight. That leaves a lot of time to troll around looking for babies to eat, or women to ogle.

I actually spoke to this stereotype once and he turned out to be the nicest guy, he was very helpful, encouraging and knowledgeable about lifting technique and fitness.

Phronk said...

It's all an act. He actually cast a spell that charmed you into thinking he was a nice guy.

I guess it's MAYBE possible that I'm the asshole for judging so harshly though.

Yvonne said...

"He waxes every inch of exposed skin"

and the skin that's NOT exposed, probably. :)