One sign reads:
"A person trainer CAN:By emphasizing the word CAN, I think they mean to highlight the ability of the trainers; to contrast it with CANNOT. However, I look at the word CAN and emphasize the uncertainty of it; I contrast it with WILL. The sign might as well read "A personal trainer CAN (but won't):" or "A personal trainer MIGHT CONSIDER:".
- Help you lose weight
- Help you build tone and definition
- Add 3 inches to your penis
At least it doesn't say "CAN".
Another sign shows before and after pictures of a dude, the after picture, as per usual, skinnier, with a better tan and a big fake smile. It reads:
"I am a
Nothing wrong with that on the surface. However, a thick frame outlines and overlaps with the sign. It covers up most of the "C" in "changed", making it look more like:
"I am a
Which is much more ominous and makes me want to avoid the gym for a while.
In the locker room, another sign reads1:
"Any lock left on after closing will be cut off nightly."
In addition to reminding us that anyone with glorified scissors can steal our stuff at any time, what the sign means is that every night, all the locks still on lockers will be cut off and disposed of. But what I imagine, due to the strange use of the singular "lock", is that the same lock will be cut off one night, fixed, put back on, then cut off again the next night. There could be locks from the 1980s that have been snipped and fixed thousands of times due to this nightly ritual sacrifice. They probably stand in a circle wearing black Goodlife-branded robes, chanting motivational clichés, while Patch performs the snippity snip.
1 I'm writing these from memory so it might not be the exact wording. It's something like that, though.