Friday, September 25, 2009

FML, Where the "L" Stands for Lasagna

So let me tell you about my day.

I woke up, took a shower, then tried to decide what shirt to wear. I was going to the gym later, so that had to factor that into my fashion choices. I came across my grey Alaska shirt, then thought to myself "you know, self, this is pretty much the perfect gym shirt. It colour coordinates with my gym shorts, it's nice looking but not so nice that I'm afraid to get it sweaty, yet it still has no visible pit stains." I hugged the shirt tenderly, put it on, then got on with my day.

I came home from the gym starving. Preparing for dinner, I looked through my cupboards and came across my favourite plate. I thought to myself, "self, this is the perfect plate. It may not be the prettiest, but it's light, it doesn't take up much room in the dishwasher, and it's the perfect size for, say, a single large piece of lasagna. It's a shame I only have one of them." I'm not making this up; I really thought something like this. I hugged the plate tenderly, put a slab of lasagna on it, then got it in the microwave.

Needless to say, the slab of lasagna was also perfect in nearly every possible way. Cheesy, delicious, and nuked until it was hot enough to keep warm through a whole half-hour TV show.

Now I'm not completely sure what happened next. One second I was grinning deliriously to myself as I watched TV, the plate of lasagna in my hand and cheesy goodness in my mouth. The next second I had the remaining shards of a shattered plate in my bleeding hand, and scalding hot cheesy goodness all over my chest. All over my favourite gym shirt.

The take home message here: never stop to appreciate the best things in your life.



12 comments:

shine said...

So it...spontaneously combusted?

Because you've kind of blown my mind here, but I'm all loopy on the drugs, so it's not that hard to do today.

Phronk said...

I have no idea!

It was unbroken then it wasn't.

I think the universe just got angry at me and exploded my plate.

EVILFLU said...

Some people are into eating burning lasagna off their bodies alone...

I mean maybe....


Probably....


If they're into that sort of thing :/

(but ouch..that would have hurt!)

Phronk said...

Oh are they now?

Hmm that's almost another Cosby Sweater or Big Bird.

And obviously it's called The Garfield.

lindsay said...

that was a laugh out loud post. thanks dude :)

EVILFLU said...

OMGGGG The Garfield?!?! I just fell off my chair and died laughing!! (seriously...except for the died part!)

Hey Lady! said...

Maybe the plate had a slight crack in it and the heat added to the pressure of you holding the plate made it split?

That was a sad post. I also think things like that, I always stop to appreciate the little things. Don't let this isolated incident ruin those time for you! Otherwise you'll become a bitter, cynical old man (well, more cynical then you are now).

tornwordo said...

Your mistake was microwaving it on the plate. And not verifying the plate is nuke safe. Same exact thing happened to me with a bowl of tostitoes cheese dip. Just as I dipped the first tortilla chip in, it exploded. We made big sad faces.

Phronk said...

Lindsay & EvilFlu: I AM GLAD I AMUSE YOU.

Hey Lady & Torn: Yeah, it was a microwaveable plate, but pretty old and might have had an invisible crack or something.

And don't worry, I'm not very cynical. I think I'm just so optimistic that I find mock cynicism hilarious.

Tatiana said...

LOL.... the universe clearly decided you had enough appreciation for one day. RIP, great plate.

angryredhead said...

oh my god. new favorite blog.

angryredhead said...

oh my god. new favorite blog.