I received this troubling email a few days later, and I think I should share it with you, dear readers:
My gf is [a young woman with a microphone] - who I understand did a little story on you recently. The piece turned out nicely, so thanks for being involved.
1) On the whole I do like what you're doing at Phronk.com, but you're actually not spelling your name correctly as I originally created it. The correct spelling is Phraunke. I suggest you apply this proper spelling to your blog URL right away or risk undermining the whole meaning of the Phraunke experiment as I initially intended it.
2) As the sole inventor of your moniker, I rightfully claim a 10% royalty fee on any financial compensation gained from your crafty and slick self-promotion. I'm not sure how you've been leveraging your notoriety through the monetization of your blog, but if indeed you have, I demand my full 10% - which is more than reasonable. In fact, I could rightfully sue you for copyright infringement on my intellectual property if I wasn't such a forgiving person.
Let me know about all this ASAP Phraunke. I'm not impressed that you've been secretly profiting wildly from my artistic handiwork behind my back.
Your behaviour is not only sneaky and deceitful, it's outright shameful considering I was the one who imbued you with your magical nickname powers, giving you exponential coolness throughout your adolescence and, apparently, even now.
The Phraunke project started as a fun and enjoyable commentary on your personal idiosyncrasies, one that was entirely benign. Evidently you have commercially exploited your (or shall I say my) pseudo-identity somewhere along the way, creating a profit-hungry monster without any regard for the benevolent intentions that began this shared experiment in our adolescence.
I'm sure you fancy yourself the pied piper of iconoclastic commentary, an incendiary 'thought leader' who gleefully doles out scathing reprisals and ironic "insights" to the sheer delight of everyone. Not one of your readers knows that you've been cheating the creator of your name, the very source of your supposed handle on cool, out of his just due all along.
Utterly disgraceful "Phronk".
I want every last red cent that is owed me.
I can't believe I've been outed.
(In case it's not clear, I went to high school with Drew, which is where I acquired the nickname "Phronk" (/Phraunke) )