Tuesday, April 27, 2010

How to Become a Good Housewife

You'd think that being single for a long time would make a guy more stereotypically masculine. Wanting to fuck anything that moves, losing respect for women, becoming a slob, that sort of thing.

However, for me at least, being single for a while (over a year and a half, you guys) has had some opposite effects. I spend more time cleaning. I'm saving up for a nice bed frame. I keep plants. And this morning I was pretty excited about using new dryer sheets, because they smell pretty.

Now my clothes smell pretty.

The reason for this, I think, is that I have to care about girly things because there isn't a girl around to care about them for me.

Someone save me before I branch out into women's clothing and makeup.


Evil Faerie Girl said...

You are a better housewife than I have ever been. I have almost 9 years experience. Plants *pft* the only thing I can grow is dust bunnies :/

Phronk said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. I bet you can grow some pretty good fingernails too.

Forest City Fashionista said...

Being single (3 years!) has done nothing to improve my housewife skills at all, in fact, I think they've declined because I'm not trying to impress anyone. I gave up dryer sheets long ago. Good on you for still keeping up appearances. If I run into you I will be sure to notice how April Fresh you smell!

Dan said...

You're a hell of a baker too!!!!

Phronk said...

FCF: Hehe, maybe being single mellows the stereotypes of both genders. If you had to live with a smelly dude, nice dryer sheets could be a must.

Dan: Thank you. You deserve a cookie.

Anonymous said...

What do you call a guy that's been in a relationship for almost 5 years and cares about all this stuff too?

Johnson said...

Must...resist...lookitsbray's set up for easy joke...

Hey Lady! said...

When I first say the title of this post I was sure it'd be some slightly offensive ploy to get a woman. I was pleasantly surprised though, it made you seem sweet (which lets face it, on you blog at least seldom happens), and THAT is what you want to project to "the ladies" (though don't project TOO much of that or you'll appeal to the gentlemen too...).

Katrina said...

Good for you! Honestly Phronk, you're such a catch!

Having been in a relationship for 8 years and married for 2, I am a TERRIBLE housewife. I do my best to keep the laundry from smothering us and I'm pretty good about cleaning bathrooms, but the rest is up to my wonderful househusband :) Another trick I've discovered is to invite people over on a fairly regular basis. I can do a pretty good overall house clean in the two hours before someone's coming over.

Blondie said...

DEFINITELY a better housewife than I will ever be.

And having clothes that smell nice is not a "girly" thing.

And, if you sear the stems in a frying pan, your arrangement will stay fresh much longer! Just sayin'

Dead Robot said...

To: Central Gay Command
From: Agent Dead Robot
Re: Subject Phronk

Dear Central Gay Command,

He's on to us! Assimilation must take place soon! Recommend Action Plan Barbara Streisand Omega Seti Phi: Infiltrate with "sensitive" new male best friend with awkward drunken guy's night out.

Yours rainbowly
Agent Dead Robot

Phronk said...

BRay & Johnson: Must...resist...offending...everybody.

Hey Lady! Well good, since my entire blog is just a ploy to pick up chicks. I'll go for sweet-but-not-too-sweet from now on. Except when I'm talking about math and statistics because that's hard to make sweet.

Katrina: Hehe, yeah having people over sure motivates me too. And I think cleaning the bathroom makes you a pretty damn good housewife. I hate that shit (literally).

Blondie: It's orchid allure scent. :/

I don't think I'll ever understand the allure of (real) flowers though, so at least I still have that male stereotype under my belt.

Phronk said...

DR: OMG teh gay agenda is leaked!!11!

First they'll ASSimilate me, then move on to America's children. IT'S THE END TIMES.

katrocket said...

OMG you are AWESOME.

*gets down on one knee*

"Phronk, will you please be my wife?"