Monday, May 03, 2010

At the Gym, Volume 5

Yesterday, a guy beside me in the gym's change room had a bad case of dumbface. In case you don't know, dumbface is when a person perpetually looks like there is nothing going on in their brain. Eyes too close together, stupid hair, and a mouth always slightly open are just a few contributions to the constellation we call dumbface.

This guy ran into a friend, and I eavesdropped in on their conversation.

"Bro, it's been 3 weeks since last time I worked out. Got another concussion," said Dumbface.

Perhaps head trauma explains the face.

"Doctors said I should stay away from contact sports," he continued, chuckling a bit, as if to assure his friend that he didn't really understand or take seriously anything a doctor would say.

His friend quickly packed up and left. Then Dumbface uttered the parting words of many of history's greatest douchebags and dumbasses:

"Take 'er easy."

So, this edition of At the Gym is dedicated to all those poor people out there who have spent so much time on physical activity that they have actually become retarded. Whether it's multiple concussions, or performance enhancing drugs, or a simple case of not having enough blood to power both muscles and a brain, these people should probably lay off the gym for a while.



See also: At the Gym, Volume 4, and Volume 3 and Volume 2 and the first one

11 comments:

Hey Lady! said...

I LOVE posts about the gym! Though this one made me feel kinda bad for "Dumbface", as he was clearly trying to engage his "friend" and his friend was not responding and trying to get in the way. Wonder how he got the concussion? Simple "contact sport"? Or you think someone tried to beat that look off his face?

Mike Tyson, WORST case dumbface ever, most likely from having the brains beaten out of him, though I don't ever remember seeing old pictures of him without that face. Perhaps he thought, if I'm going to look and sound like this anyway, might as well go into boxing...

Candice said...

Hahahaha. After I wrote that gym douchebag article I overheard two guys discussing poetry while pumping iron. But not even in an intelligent way. It was ridiculous.

Phronk said...

Hey Lady! Yeah I felt a bit bad for this one, since it's probably not really his fault he has dumbface. But I have a theory that if dumbfaces start doing really smart things, their faces will become smarter as well. So maybe he could do something about it?

Candice: That's hilarious. Probably more interesting than most overheard conversations at the gym though. It's some of the most boring small talk I've ever heard. Locker room conversations can be more exciting, but in a horrifying sort of way.

Hey Lady! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hey Lady! said...

Blogger Hey Lady! said...

Good point hypothetically "dumbface" could be curable. I was more sad because the dude was trying to be friends with someone who obviously wanted to get away from him. Dumb people need love too...

And I agree locker room conversation is rarely interesting, in the women's locker room it's 99% of the time about what some woman's kid did that day. And they have to talk REALLY LOUDLY abut it. Guess what? I don't care if little Becky is the fastest swimmer in the 3-5 yr old category. I can still beat her in a race.

(sorry about the deleted post, something happened to the sentence structure, I couldn't handle it)

Phronk said...

Yah that was sad too. His friend only mumbled a few words in response.

In the guys' room, it's more about how their girlfriend is doing horrible things to them, like expecting them to call once every few days. And their other girlfriend is getting suspicious.

It makes me understand why so many women are cynical about the male race.

(no problem; "beat in a race her" did sound slightly disturbing)

Katrina said...

I agree with Hey Lady! - most of what you hear in a ladies locker room relates to their kids.

I once overheard two ladies talking about how the one lady's kid liked to go commando and how messed up and wrong that was. I felt bad for the kid. I say if a kid wants to express freedom and individuality by not wearing gitch, more power to them - just make sure the rules are clear around knee-length shorts, no skirts, and frequent fly-checking.

P.S. This is not a reflection of my personal underwear values - I wear 'em.

Hey Lady! said...

Not sure how that happened, it was like that word jumped out of alignment with the others.

Katrina- I got MADE FUN OF by my personal trainer once for wanted to wear underwear under my gym shorts! She said all types of underwear was visible, so the logical choice is to wear none. Um, excuse me? Have you seen how short most women's gym shorts are? How will I do sit ups? Just saying, not putting on a show here...

That was probably TMI, sorry Phronk.

Phronk said...

Geeze, my junk is visible enough in gym shorts WITH gitch. Without it, everyone would get a free show. If I got a boner, someone would get hurt.

But yeah, kids should be able to properly go commando in appropriate situations.

TMI? What?

Lmia said...

LMAO! Hahahah! I totally saw this at the gym today too!

Kris said...

I'd like to procure said Dumbface. No one will ever expect anything from me that way.