Sunday, May 23, 2010

Emilie De Ravin is an Asshole

Final episode of Lost tonight! I've been delightfully frustrated by it from the beginning, and I'll be sad to see it end. However, there is one face I will be happy to never see again: Emilie De Ravin's.

Emilie De Ravin plays Claire on Lost, and she is an asshole. Oh, I haven't told you about our sordid history?

Back in the year 2000, there was this show, Roswell, about alien teenagers who like hot sauce. De Ravin came in near the end of the first season, playing another of said alien teenagers. She was beautiful and evil and for me, it was love at first sight.

So I did what any young man in love would do: I bought her domain name. In the year 2000, not many people knew how to work this internet thing, so was still available. I snatched it up, then threw up a pretty nice fan site. This went well for a few months. I got to scour the internet for pictures of De Ravin, and creepy fans got to visit my site and email me begging for n00dz.

Then I got an email from a company called SafeSearching. They said they represented Emilie De Ravin, and, citing some recently created law in California, they said I was "cybersquatting"—keeping the web address just to exploit the fame of a celebrity —so I should transfer the address to them.

Back then, the laws regarding the internet were even murkier than they are today, and I knew this was fishy (e.g., why should California law have anything to do with me?). So, for a while, I fought. I banded together with other fan site owners. The webmaster of (note the dash) went down immediately, her address forwarding to SafeSearching's shitty-ass "official" De Ravin site. Others continued to fall around me, but I stood my ground.

I was contacted by an underground resistance calling themselves The Bringers. They were a group of webmasters from a wide variety fo fan sites fighting against oppressive companies like SafeSearching.  They had their own lawyers, who knew the threats were empty. It was looking like I had ground to stand on.

Then SafeSearching brought out their secret weapon. I got the following email:

hi mike. don't get me wrong, i appreciate what you're doing, but actually, the safesearching guys are really nice, and the site is still being designed. the only profit they make goes to worthy causes and i am very much behind them.
they've urged me not to respond, and let them handle it, but i wanted to know if there's a way we can sort this silliness out first. if i tell them to let you administrate my fan boards, and put a special thanks to you for your efforts on my site, as well as send you a signed thank you on a photo or something, will you just cooperate with them? It is my name, and they are successfully doing what they do, but i'd like us all to be friendly.
what'da'ya say?
(please don't post this publicly)
As I said, I was a young man in love, and they were using my own love against me. I wasn't in a position to get into a legal battle, I was getting pressure from my registrar, and she asked nicely. So I began negotiations to hand over the domain.

I did hold out for some monetary compensation, and pointed out their lack of legal backing. Here is part of their deliciously evil response:

[...] this would be a simple open and shut case, as evident by our last um-teen lawsuit rulings where we reclaimed the domain, plus attornies fees 100% of the time.
That's not a threat. You've been very honorably and decent, that's why we're even having a dialog, and for some reason, Emilie has been particulary tolerant of you. This is a good thing. It's easier this way.
I wish I hadn't backed down at this point, but I did. I gave them what they wanted. They added a link to on Emilie's official site, and promised three signed photographs. So I awkwardly flirted with Emilie over email, and waited for her photos (surely accompanied by a letter revealing that my love was requited) to arrive.

I am still waiting.

Emilie De Ravin may still look stunning as a dirty jungle lady in Lost, but she betrayed me. She used her feminine wiles to violate the freedom of the internet, then didn't even give me the inadequate compensation she promised. I hope her character dies tonight.

P.S. I don't actually have a personal problem with Emilie De Ravin. She really just associated herself with an asshole company. SafeSearching is still around, but now go by the name Celebrity Loop, and have (predictably) evolved into social media douchebags for celebrities (and still make shitty-ass sites for minor stars). They no longer represent Emilie, and is now completely abandoned. I would never have let that happen. In other words, Emilie De Ravin, if you want someone to make a good web site for you, and maybe also be your loving boyfriend forever and ever, I am still available. Thanx.

Here is RPattz looking down her shirt:


Danielle said...

I like the part where they said that Emilie had been "tolerant" of you - I personally think it is intolerable that people. She should have been very flattered that you had bought the domain first and actually followed through on the promises because clearly you were her #1 fan in the world. She should have contacted you instead and said: "Hi #1 fan - can we work together on this website." You would have likely invested tons of time on it since you had her endorsement (and communication with her). It would have still been up and she would not be on Lost which I personally felt was a dumb show and probably more famous. Who is Emilie de Ravin anyways?

Wings1295 said...

Well, that sucks. Sorry you were used, man.

As my own opinion, I have come to not care much for de Ravin over the years. She seemed great when LOST premiered but I just get this ... vibe, I don't know, that she isn't all sweetness and light.

As for Claire, she can either stay on the island or go the way of Boone, et al. I don't think Aaron needs whack-a-doodle Claire coming after him.

mckenzie said...

No offense, but A.) saying you have no problem with Emilie de Ravin, then heading your title that she is an asshole, is ridiculous. B.) She was 19 years old then! Just moved to the states to film Roswell, if this even happened, all we have is typing on the Internet from someone we don't know, I'm sure even she had no idea what was really going on. I've met her twice, once during Roswell and another time a couple of years ago and she was nothing but the most down to earth, sweet celebrity I had ever met. No one is perfect, another poster saying she isn't always sweetness and light, well of course not, she's human, no one is constantly sweetness and light, but from my experience she's a dear heart with a wicked sense of humor. My point is, this basically is a deformation of character upon an actress that supposedly happened almost 10 years ago. What the heck? Why to contradicte yourself, and spread internet rumors upon someone.

Phronk said...

Danielle: It's true, she would've been better off teaming up with me than that dumb company. Lost is an awesome show though. :)

Wings: Haha yeah, Aaron's probably much better off without her craziness. I'm sure she's not all sweetness and light, but that certainly works with the turn her character has taken.

McKenzie: It is ridiculous. This blog is supposed to be ridiculous. The exaggerated headlines grab attention and I'm an attention whore. I agree that she probably wasn't too involved with the whole thing, hence me putting the blame on Safesearching. I was only 19 at the time too, so the threats and bullying weren't much appreciated.

That's cool that you've met her and found her to be a sweet person. I can assure you that my dealings with her that I've describe here are all true, but I don't consider it a defamation of character. As you can see from the email I posted, she was very sweet about it. And I basically asked her to marry me here so obviously I'm not too intent on insulting her.

So, like, can you set us up?

Hey Lady! said...

DUDE! I was SUCH a huge fan of Roswell! That's awesome that you watched it too, even if it was because you though this chick was hot.

And it sucks what happened to you. It's ridiculous how big companies and the film and television industry specifically, can bully people and behave as if they're better then everyone else. And the public in general treats them as if they are, even I've been guilty of it myself. But that doesn't make it right. It still sucks, sorry.

Anonymous said...

Bahaha @mckenzie. It's a BLOG.

Having said that, Phronk, I take this blog very seriously and you shouldn't make Emilie cry. You're a big meanie pants.

I'm going to need to know what you thought of last night's finale. ASAP.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Wow, what a cool but sad 'brush with celebrity'.

Katrina said...

Wow, I am absolutely horrified and disgusted that you didn't receive the autographed photos you were promised. I think it's perfectly acceptable for celebrities to ignore fan mail, but when you choose to answer it and then use your own photograph as currency, you owe it to your fans, the public and the economy to follow up on your promises. Not doing so is like going to the store and buying something... but never paying for it. In short...


I hope she realizes the error in her ways and makes it up to you.

sarah said...

Another open letter asking someone out on your site. I love it. You are hilarious btw.

Phronk said...

Think she'll go out with me even though I called her an asshole and a thief?

I don't know why publicly professing my love on a blog never seems to work.

Wonderbread said...

All of this sounds super fishy. I mean, you get an email from some anonymous person (who could pretend to be her--seriously) who is claiming to be deRavin and telling you to do this or that or X with your domain name. Personally, that seems really strange to me. Most celebrities do NOT directly engage with their audiences UNLESS they are at a convention or something. They will chat with you on the street sometimes, but most celebrities are stalked so much, and have issues with stalkers that they will NEVER directly contact someone who is a fan who has a fansite etc... Sometimes they do--but usually it's their managers who set up radio interviews, fansite interviews, all stagings and showings of said actor/actress etc.... Source: many, many years of working conventions and knowing the Entertainment/Pop Culture Industry. I think you were fooled and the person pretending to be her was a manager or her security. I don't think you ever really talked to her--which is probably why you never got your photos etc... Just saying.