Friday, November 12, 2010

Stephen King Contest: WINNERS

The results of the contest are in. I wish everyone could be winners, I really do, because most of your entries were just awesome. But I've only got two books, so by random draw (see the spreadsheet here), the winners are...

Sean!, with the following stupid story:
In Castle Rock Maine a county fair has just happened. People laughed. People rode the rides. People ate fires, cotton candy, chill cheese dogs, deep fried mars bars. They ate and Ate and Ate.

Now the town suffers heavily.

Into this plugged up place comes a wanderer with no past, no present, no future.

He eases the way....his name is Lax. And for a price....he brings relief.

And...

Simon McNeil!, with this one:

I was going to say "This guy gets driven insane by a giant finger poking out of the bathtub drain" but King already did that one....

So instead:

A couple driving in rural Maine come across a town with a terrible secret.

All the people there are really actually moose in disguise and they transform outsiders into lush marshy grasses.

By the end the man has been transformed into a stand of horsetail and the woman looses her left hand which transforms partly into pond weed before she escapes the evil moose.

Then she crashes her car into an ordinary deer because she wasn't paying attention.

Congrats! Both of you get a perfectly okay copy of Full Dark, No Stars. However, only one person can get the slightly less bent copy. Chosen on literary merit, the winner of the non-shitty copy of the book is...

Envelope please...

Envelope...

GIVE ME THE FUCKING ENVELOPE.

It's Sean. He must read this blog a lot, because he obviously knows that I can't resist stories about poop.

I will try to contact the winners later (I'm running late for work you guys), but if you happen to read this before I do, please email me (alkfjdsa at phronk dot com) with your deets. By deets I mean address.

Thanks to everyone who entered and linked to this. And thanks Simon and Schuster for the free shit. You two are the best.

3 comments:

The Average Broad said...

Congratulations, gentlemen! Stephen King would be ashamed of both of those ideas! As one who lives in Hollywood, though, I feel that I should tell you that bad ideas *do not* deter filmmakers, so you two could potentially be sitting on a gold mine here. Especially you, Sean (zing!).

Thanks for hosting the fun contest, Phronk. (Also I may have lied about not wanting to make my idea into a short story. Perhaps it'll work its way into the sequel to my work in progress, 'Zombie Sharks From Outer Space'). I tip my hat to you sirs, toast my breakfast Guinness to you all.

Simon McNeil said...

You mean we too could one day know the joy of having our work panned as inarticulate swill on the IO9 comments section safe in the knowledge that every one of the people who posted there will fork out $12 for a ticket anyway because even though "good science fiction isn't all about the sfx" they really enjoy smashing LA over and over again?

Hey Lady! said...

I think I understand your "relationship" with Stephen King and his books. I have shared a 15+ year long similar relationship with Dean Koontz. I now can pretty accurately predict what will happen in his books,and have fallen behind in reading them. BUT I still love them. They're like visiting an old friend, someone you know really, really well. I have read a handful of King's book as well, I can see someone feeling the same way about him.