Monday, April 04, 2011

The Horrors of Internet Dating, Volume 10: What the Fuck is This Shit Edition

Seriously, what the fuck is this shit? Like...why?

Hobbies include: crawling around Photoshop Forest with my ghost arm while my awkward drunken doppelganger hovers above me.

(See also: Volume 5's "what the fuck is this shit" moment.)

And this fucking shit. You smear other dudes' names on your body? That's supposed to make me like you? No. Nobody wants to know about the men who have come before. Pun intended.

Jesus Shitting Christ. The best picture you could find for a dating profile was a disastrously cheesy shot of you clinging to your ex boyfriend? Just...wha-...why? Why?

(See also: Volume 5's nauseating couples photo)

This shit; what the fuck is it? Ok maybe I'm being harsh here. I can fully support cheesy nerdy crap, and if/when I have kids, nerdy photo shoots would be pretty awesome. Kids are important.

But hey, whoa, not important enough to overshare your intensely personal life story in your profile. Save it for the third date; when he's starting to get scared off by your obvious repressed issues, entice him back with the promise of rubber-free boning.

This is now a relationship advice blog.

Anyway, sorry if you know any of these people. I'm sure they're very nice.

See also: Volume 9, and more Horrors of Internet Dating.


Anonymous said...

Hey now, if nothing else the pic with the girl and her ex shows that she does like men. That's a good sign.

SexyAnkles said...

Contact the girl and ask for the ex-boyfriend's number.

Forest City Fashionista said...

I have SO missed your Horrors of Internet Dating posts!!!

Hey Lady! said...

Perhaps you also like photoshop and posting drunken pictures of yourself, if so, girl number one if for you! Look at how her arm fades into the trees, beautiful...

What if you're on the "DL" and ALSO heart Taylor because "hes hot"? Obviously girl number two is perfect!
OR what if your name IS "Josh"? Um hmmm. There is hope for these people.

Except the chick with the fairy baby. There's no excuse for that.

Anonymous said...

Was that a chick in the fairy picture need i say more all respects due ,but if you got one let us know .