Brandon notices them at his grandpa’s funeral first: a pair of men in sunglasses who nobody seems to know. They’re not family, they're not friends, they’re just … there. No big deal, until they show up again at the next funeral. Drawn into a world of funeral selfies and burial crashers, Brandon needs to know what these strangers want from the dead.
Only problem is, nobody gives a crap except him, and his school frowns upon skipping classes to watch people get buried. His sanity can’t take many more funerals, and those bulges in the strangers’ coats probably aren’t concealing anything pleasant.
Give Me Back My God Damn Arm
When Ford wakes up to find his favorite arm missing, he knows he doesn’t have long before years of progress slip through his fingers. Can he get it back? On one hand, the old cop in charge of the investigation doesn’t believe Ford had a third arm in the first place. On the other hand, his young partner has a good grasp on the latest digital tracking technology. All they need to gain the upper hand is to point out who would want to steal Ford's God damn arm in the first place.
Get your god damn copy of Give Me Back My God Damn Arm on Amazon.
Thinking About Polar Bears
Thanks to ironic processing, trying not to think about something will guarantee that it's all you think about. What's doubly ironic is trying to use ironic processing to block out intrusive thoughts about, say, the end of the world. And failing.
Thinking About Polar Bears was published (under my real name) on the Pseudopod podcast as part of the very first in the Flash on the Borderlands series. Listen to Pseudopod Episode 141 to hear it in all its musical (seriously) glory.
A contest offered the following rules:
We are looking for you to send to us a brief story (100 – 250 words) using the following opening and closing lines. Opening: “The snowman grinned malevolently as…” Closing: “…buried alive.” The rest is up to you. Fill in the middle with whatever you want. Make us laugh, make us scream, but definitely make us want to read on.Snowmen is my entry to that contest. Read Snowmen by Phronk here on Wattpad.
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