Saturday, February 16, 2002

Welcome to the New Phronk.Com

That's right, I've totally redesigned this web site's interface by adding colour to the titles of my posts! Isn't that exciting??? Anyway, I have something to complain about now, so listen up.

You know what's funny? Foods that advertise that they're "low fat", but only because there's not much of it. For example, today I had some Lean Cuisine frozen ravioli, and it only came with like 3 raviolis. Of course it's low fat, you're only eating two bites of food. Same with crackers that advertise themselves as low look at the fine print, and it's like Only 3 grams of fat!!! (per cracker). Cookie dough ice cream can be considered low fat if you only eat one spoonful per "serving." I think I'll start marketing that.

P.S. Aren't Canadians supposed to be good at hockey? Fucking Swedish, always ruining everything.

Friday, February 15, 2002

The Best and Worst Movies of the Year

The Academy Award nominations were announced recently, and I'm pretty please with them. I'm glad to see a movie like Lord of the Rings get lots of nominations, because more fantasyish movies need to be made. Anyway, now is a good time to share my worthless opinion with you on what movies I think were the best and worst of the year. I'll do the same thing with music sometime soon. Here we go!

Best Movie: It's a tie!

Moulin Rouge: No movie this has made me get that shivery feeling down my spine more than Moulin Rouge. I love it more every time I see. I love the music, and I'm not sick of the soundtrack despite having listened to it at least 3 gajillion times and getting it stuck in my head for days on end. I love Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman and the fat dude who played Zidler or Sidler or whatever his name is. And on top of it being a wonderful movie, it now has a wonderful DVD with tonnes of fun extra features. It would definitely be the best movie of the year if it didn't have to share the honour with:

Ginger Snaps: The stupid Academy didn't nominate it for anything, but Ginger Snaps is my new favourite werewolf movie. Everything about this movie, from the clever Carrie-like "am I a normal teenager or a werewolf?" theme to the creepy music. This movie was gory, and there are few movies these days that use gore effectively. Also, it's Canadian, but without the "shitty movie" feel of most Canadian movies. Oh, and Ginger is hot as hell, which always helps. If you haven't seen this movie yet, go out and rent it now. This, too, has a wonderful DVD (only in Canada though, so if you're in the US, move here).

Honourable mentions:

Lord of the Rings: I was hoping to be blown away by this movie. However, while I can recognize that everything about this movie was perfect, it just didn't have the impact on me that the two movies mentioned above did. I have to see it again to really judge it fairly.

Memento: A movie that actually required you to think! Plus it had such an original gimmick that it wasn't like watching a normal was a whole new experience.

Harry Potter: All it did was bring the book to life on the screen. The fact that they didn't completely screw it up is reason enough to mention this movie here.

Other good movies: Jeepers Creepers, Josie and the Pussycats (screw you, I liked it), Vanilla Sky, Freddy Got Fingered (Tom Green is a genius), Shrek, Monsters Inc, Legally Blond, Ocean's 11, Fast and the Furious, Final Fantasy, Amelie, and probably a few others I'm forgetting.

Worst Movie:

Driven: I like every movie I see, and this is no exception, but it's the only one I can think of that was undeniably, objectively, total crap. There really wasn't anything good about it, except a few good songs on the soundtrack (although I used to think so, I now realize that Estella Warren isn't even that hot). There were moments where I couldn't help but laugh at the bad dialogue or shitty especial effects. As I mentioned, I was still entertained (except during the boring parts), but it's just a scientific fact that Driven was a piece of smelly elephant dung that's been sitting in the sun all day and got puked on by a llama. A gay llama.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!! :) :) :)

I'm writing a song to celebrate Valentine's day. The chorus goes "you flew an airplane into my heart." It's called Osama Bin Lovin' . One day it's gonna be a big hit, and I'll be writing songs for big stars like Madonna and Vanilla Ice.

Wednesday, February 13, 2002


So today I got my graduation picture taken. I've always thought these things were questionable. Nobody looks good in them, because they're not really smiling. It's a fake smile, like when somebody tells a bad joke but you don't want to insult them so you smile anyway. You use different muscles when you perform a fake smile vs. a real smile, and fake smiles look like crap. I think there should be photographers that you can hire to stalk you for a few days, and take pictures of you when you're really smiling and you think nobody's looking. Those would look much better.

Telekinetic Weirdness

Just a few minutes ago, I was thinking about my email account and how I hadn't checked a certain email address (my UWO one) in a while. I am able to check my UWO mail from my Hotmail account with the click of a button, and I was already logged into Hotmail. So, I closed the message I was reading with the intention of checking my UWO mail immediately after that. However, I didn't even need to click the button; Hotmail went immediately to my UWO email. It's as if Hotmail knew what I was thinking and went to the correct address for me. This has never happened before, and it happened to happen (whoa, too many happens) right when I was thinking about it. I'm quite baffled, and it's stuff like this that makes me want to study parapsychology.

Update: When I actually did click to get my UWO email, it didn't work...some settings were wrong. So, somehow, Hotmail got the settings right and then checked my email for me, before I even knew what the right settings were. As Joey from Blossom would say, "whoa." **

** Or Keanu Reeves, for those who don't remember Blossom.

Monday, February 11, 2002

Story Time

I would like to share with you a very special story that I have written. I wrote this for my Classical Studies class. So, my entire future depends partly on this story. I put a lot of work into it, and I really think it's reflected in the final product. It's also reflected in the mark I got: 14.1 out of 15. I bet the TA wanted to give it perfect, but the maximum they're allowed to give out is he added that extra 0.1 just as a symbolic gesture. You know, to say "hey, I wish I could give you a perfect, but the man is keeping me down." A subtle sign, but I figured it out, Mr. TA. Anyway, click below to read the epic story that critics (my TA) describe as "Fun!"

Click here to read my masterpiece

Saturday, February 09, 2002

Link of the Day

It's people who discovered that eating food can have horrible side effects. I'll never eat again! They also discovered that time seems to slow down when you stop eating, so you seem to experience longer days. Wow. Nailing myself to a crucifix makes the day go a lot slower too. If I stop eating and subject myself to excruciating pain every day, my life will seem so long that I won't know what to do with my time (except cry and wish for death). So basically, the Jesus Diet is not eating anything. Oh, but there is something you must gotta click the link to find out what it is. Click now, and remember who sent you on the road to a long and healthy life.


Thursday, February 07, 2002

Most Underrated Band Ever

So yesterday I was going through my CD collection, searching for a CD to listen to on the way to and from school. Suddenly, I came across Chumbawamba, those mid-90's one hit wonders. I realized that I hadn't listened to their CD in a while, so I popped it in my discman and went on my merry way. As I trotted along, I began remembering just how great of an album it is. This band should not have been a one hit wonder, it should have been huge. Those crazy anarchists should be opening for N Sync and Britney. But hey, they're still around, so maybe I'll get their newest album. With song titles like "Hey Hey We're the Junkies", it can't be too bad.

Deep Thought of the Day

Have you ever noticed that "perfection" and "infection" both end in "fection"???

Sunday, February 03, 2002

Sometimes I truly believe that everybody is stupid except me.