Friday, April 21, 2006

One Hundred Original Ideas for Horror Movies (#1 - 5)

A while ago, I was lamenting the abundance of horror remakes, and the lack of original ideas. I wrote that I could think of 100 creative ideas for horror movies. Lately, I've been wondering if I was just talking out of my ass, or if I could actually come up with 100 ideas.

I say it's worth a try.

The rules: Ideas must be good enough for a movie, but are allowed to be extremely cheesy. "Chopping Mall", seen here, is a real movie, so that level of cheese is allowed. Ideas must also be horror-related, though sub-genres are allowed (comedy-horror, action-horror, erotic horror(?), etc.).

Without further, here are the first five:

  • #1) Slayground: Some children find an ancient scroll in their attic. They read it in the playground, unknowingly trapping the soul of Satan himself in the monkey bars. The jungle gym's killing spree won't stop until every kid at school has fallen off of it and broken their necks (yes, this idea is from my previous post).

  • #2) Fauxmpires: Pronounced "foam-pires". Residents of a small town begin to die unexpectedly. Police find bite marks on their necks. The residents aren't stupid, so they're like "oh snap, vampire problem!" One family in particular is never seen in daylight and are very secretive. The townspeople drag the family's young daughter into sunlight, and she bursts into flames. The twist: The family just has a horrible disease that causes their skin to burn in sunlight. The double-twist: A real vampire put stuff in the family's water that gave them the disease, creating "faux vampires" in order to throw suspicion off himself. Clever vampire!

  • #3) Roll Over...and Die: Really cute puppies are evil and kill people. Features many shots of cute puppies doing horrible things, then being shot and chopped up in self-defense. Very controversial.

  • #4) Pop Goes the DEATH!: People begin to die in an unusual manner: they disintigrate from the inside out, leaving just a soggy bag of flesh. An intelligent reporter does some research and finds Coca-Cola in all of their fridges. She puts Coke out of business, but then digs deeper and ends up at Pepsi. Turns out that Coke had stolen some ingredients from Pepsi, but they made a mistake: Pepsi had person-melting acid in their warehouses, but they didn't put it in their cola. They used it to melt people, then put the melted people in their cola. IT'S PEOPLE!

  • #5) The Alfreds: Directed by Gus Van Sant, a shot-for-shot remake of "The Birds", except instead of birds, the city is attacked by thousands of tiny naked Alfred Hitchcocks with wings.

That's all for now.

P.S. I was inspired to start writing this by seeing Hostel last night (in addition to being at home sick and having nothing better to do). That was a nice, original, horror movie with enough balls to be disturbing for the sake of being disturbing. I hope Eli Roth continues making movies like Hostel and Cabin Fever and doesn't start putting out crap or going mainstream, like every other "horror" director has done.


Jason said...

What's a good horror flick I can watch this weekend (new'ish, like a year or two old)? I haven't seen any of them?

Cabin Fever? Hostel? The [something] has Eyes?

Phronk said...

Cabin Fever and Hostel are both good if you want to be grossed out. Though part of Hostel's charm is the abundance of it may appeal a bit less to you. :) The new Hills Have Eyes isn't out on DVD yet, but the original is good (though it's from the 70's, so seems a bit cheesy today).

Other than those...Saw and Saw II are both OK if you can stand horrible acting. The Grudge remake is pretty good in an actually-scary kind of way. If you haven't seen The Ring, it's worth watching, but the sequel blows.

Those are my recommendations. Like them or die.

George Larson said...

First, I wanted to know about the Diet Bacon Coke. I mean is that an artificial bacon substitute or what?

Second, Jim: "The [something] has Eyes" totally rocks out. Another great movie is "Manos: The Hands of Fate".

Manos is old but if you've not seen it then it's new to you.

Pappy said...

I think another great horror movie would involve a girl from the internet thats really a demon from hell but wants to have sex with blogging virgins.

Phronk said...

First: I think the bacon coke is made with Photoshop, not bacon.

Second: Manos sounds like gay porn, but I see that it's a real movie. I'll have to check that one out.

Pappy: Sounds good. Go write the screenplay. In chat-room format. And are all male bloggers virgins? Hmmm.

Anonymous said...

Slayground is fucking mint, except more sex required.

Anonymous said...

haha phronk. these are all terrible ideas. I've got a better one: Foampires would be good if the vampires were actually made out of foam and when somebody got bit then they turned into FOAM TOO!!!! AHH! Now that's SCARY!

That idea from Pappy is plagirised from my own life. If he writes that screenplay, i'll sue!

Jason said...

Holy popular site, Phronk. Geocities or yahoo or whatever, wouldn't let me access your site due to heavy traffic!

I'm going to rental Hostel, the "boobies" will add to the horror. Just kidding...

George: I'll see if Manos is in too.

toobusyliving said...

Miss Retro Virus loves horror movies - I bed he'd have some great ideas. My life is a nightmare movie - does that count?

Phronk said...

Bee: The only characters in Slayground are kids, you dirty pedophile.

Sarah: Yes, I always suspected that you were a demon from hell.

Jimmy: Dammit...I'm moving this crappy site. Rogers blows. Let me know if you like Hostel.

TooBusy: Yeah, some of the stories on your blog would make very scary horror movies. You should write an autobiographical horror script.

Shora said...

Dude, this is some awesome shit!

(I get my slang from hanging with Mitzzee... but hey, it fits)

You're gonna get me in trouble... I'm supposed to be working, but can't seem to pull myself away.

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Unknown said...

i need help on fueling ideas for an amateur horror movie. the title is Backland and it takes place in the country (rural). i have the basics: it is about a psychotic murderer and is about a young man who buys an old, isolated farmhouse. how to tie those together i dont know at this time, any ideas i would be grateful and include you with my team of writers. we have complete writers block!

Anonymous said...

Noah. Ive got an idea maybe the murderer would be a middle aged creepy lookin man with scars all over his face and long hair,but hey your screenplay your decision. And maybe the young man who buys the farmhouse bought it from the psycotic murderer.

Anonymous said...

So this guy (insert name here) visits his Uncle's house out in the rural area; only problem is, he needs a spot to continue DJ-ing. He buys this spot off the owner, and begins to throw parties there on the weekends. All goes well until the 4th party..... people show and the party is going on, but a psychopath is in that party killing people slowly one by one and he wears a mask... of course, people are too drugged to even bother with him, right? Only those who notice it escape the horrors. The killer is the guy who sold him the area