Friday, July 04, 2008

Shrouded in Darkness. Cloaked in Pepperoni.

I got this flyer in my mailbox yesterday:

I understand that movie tie-ins are an integral part of fast food. What I don't understand is why they couldn't come up with a better Batman-themed pizza. Sure, Batman is cloaked in darkness. He is cloaked in a cape. But he is not cloaked in pepperoni. I would never look at a pizza with extra toppings and say "wow, look at that pizza, it's CLOAKED in toppings! It totally reminds me of Batman!"

I can think of several pizzas off the top of my head that would be more Batman-y than extra pepperoni.

  • A pizza shaped like a bat. Cloak it in pepperoni if you must, but dye the pepperoni black, so it at least looks like leathery bat stuff.
  • Penguin and Robin meat toppings.
  • Mr. Freeze's "Ice To See You" Special, with vegetables still frozen.
  • The Two-Face: Half cheese, half nasty meat.
  • The Joker: purple cabbage, green peppers, topped with white cheddar, and splattered with acidic hot sauce.

Maybe not great ideas, but better than "shrouded in pepperoni". Jesus fucking Christ.

Also of note on this flyer: "YOU GOT A LARGE PIZZA CLOAKED IN PEPPERONI". Umm, no, I didn't get it. I don't plan on getting it. Is using the past tense, as if I've already bought the pizza, supposed to be some subtle psychological manipulation? "Oh, I'm supposed to already have it, so I better go get it."

Hey, how about, "oh, I got a pizza already? I don't remember that. Oh god, did the batman pizza give me Alzheimer's? AHHH...what do I do!? Oh god...I gotta write this down so I don't forget again: NEVER GO TO DOMINO'S. IT GIVES YOU ALZHEIMER'S."


Dead Robot said...

How about guano topping? Yum!

SharkBoy said...

or at least put ham on it so you can say your pizza got ham, you know Gotham?

Phronk said...

Hahaha, both those ideas are much more brilliant than mine.

tornwordo said...

That you got is weird. Maybe it's a shortening of "you've got" which I've heard orally. "I got some time." for example.

Phronk said...

Yeah it's very strange. Maybe it is short for "you've", but that's still present tense, and there's no pizza in my hands. Unless it's invisible; CLOAKED, if you will.

Jenn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenn said...

hahah reading this made me hungry. Hmm. maybe the flyer is successful after all.