Wednesday, December 17, 2008


When I got home last night, I was covered in blood and slime, my legs hurt from standing all night, and I couldn't hear out of my left ear. Best concert ever?

When you hear GWAR is coming to London, you wouldn't expect them to play at Cowboy's Ranch, the local country music bar. But last night it traded crappy country for sweet, sweet metal.

Some lesser-known bands opened. It started with Toxic Holocaust, whose lead singer talked exactly like Nathan Explosion from Dethklok. Here is their lyrical masterpiece, Feedback, Blood and Distortion.

Then came Kingdom of Sorrow, who were actually pretty awesome.

But it was all about GWAR. They put on more of a fucked up variety show than a straight metal concert. The band members are dressed in elaborate costumes with an elaborate back story. A plot unfolds throughout the concert, told through videos in the background, and brutally violent live skits. While the band plays, monsters battle it out on stage. John McCain gets decapitated. Hilary Clinton gets her boobs ripped off. Here is a baby getting ripped in half then impaled on the lead singer's shoulder spikes:

(uh, it's easier to see if you click to Youtube and watch it in high quality)

And throughout all this, gallons and gallons of fake blood squirt out over the crowd. We were pretty far back, avoiding most of the gunk, but when Barack Obama lost his head, his magic hope-and-change Jesus blood rained down upon us. There's something awesome about a room full of hundreds of people, all covered in fake blood.

You can probably understand why I didn't get my camera out too often.

I showered when I got home, but my whole head is still sorta pink. It remains to be seen if my clothes will pull through the same colour they used to be. But dude, it was so worth it.


Butchie said...

Kingdom of Sorrow's stage left guitar player is Barry Gibb's son. He has points on Barbara Streisand's last record.

Anonymous said...

wow, you look deeply satanic in this picture. congratulations!

Phronk said...

Holy shit, Butchie is actually telling the truth.

Thanks Anon. Now when people tell me I look like a serial killer, it'll sorta make sense.

Dr. Zombie said...

I'm seriously jealous. Never seen GWAR, but they're on the list of must-see-before-I-die bands.

Way cool, bro...

Anonymous said...

If you go to a Gwar concert there is a very real chance of being decapitated, it's awesome. One of the best concerts I've been to for a long time, thanks Mike:)


rob said...

Well done. That's a great inside look at the GWAR experience. I have always liked the band ever since I glimpsed the Sick Of You video with all the mayhem.

Phronk said...

Dr. Z: It's definitely worth doing before you die. There is nothing else like it on Earth.


Robert: Haha nice, that video is so old. I can't believe they're still around and doing the same thing.

Anonymous said...

Holy balls I saw them in Kansas City for the first time a few weeks back. I was my first Gwar concert, so I proudly wore my white shirt which is now FOREVER stained orangeish pink. That's amazing!

tornwordo said...

I saw them like 20 years ago in SoCal. I've never experienced anything like it. I'm surprised they are still around.

Sean Wraight said...

Let's hope you never get arrested because that photo is going to come back to haunt you. Looking a little evil there Mr. Phronko.

Excellent play by play on an experience so many of us have yet to partake. It was almost like being there, minus the faux bodily fluids mind you.

Well done!


sixty-six said...

supremely jealous.

i didn't find out GWAR was in town until i was at CTO on tuesday and all these people with spatter on their faces/shirts came in to crash the party.

Dale said...

Thank you for going on my behalf. The blood would have made a mess of my grey hair 'highlights'. Now show us the photo of you in your glasses. :-)