Friday, May 15, 2009

Ronery, So Ronery, So Ronery and Sadry Arone

Several recent events happening around me have gotten me thinking about the concept of loneliness. While we use the same word to describe all of them, I think that loneliness can take on many different forms, each distinct from every other.

The feeling that results from a recent breakup can be labeled loneliness. It's an acute pain, a sort of panicked confusion from suddenly losing something you've gotten very used to having around. This is very different from the feeling that results from having been single for a long time, even though this could also be called loneliness. That is more of a dull pain, a longing for something different than what you are used to.

And of course, nobody is completely free from the many-tentacled clutches of loneliness. Even those in relationships are bound to feel a few of its pokes and prods - whether it's the acute lonely-whenever-they're-not-around agony of a new relationship, or the dull they're-probably-as-bored-with-me-as-I-am-with-them ennui of many longstanding relationships.

This is not a bad thing. I think it helps to deal with these feelings, knowing that everyone else is feeling them in one form or another. It also eliminates dangerous "OMG I just have to [insert affiliative activity] or I'll be lonely and depressed forever" thinking. It may take new form, but whatever happens, it'll still be there, swimming around in that chemical fishbowl of your brain that always returns to its baseline level of happiness eventually.

In related news, I have still been unsuccessful in finding anyone remotely interesting on internet dating sites. Although maybe there could be some "spark" (LOL!!!!) with this person:

Real winner there.


Update May 17: I'm reminded of this quote:

"I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity."
-- Albert Einstein

In other words, even if I never find someone right for me, eventually I won't give a shit.


Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Sometimes being lonely can suck but often its a blessing. I would rather live on a deserted island with a coconut for companionship that be in a relationship that is too much work. I was bitching to my mother about this girl I was dating once and after patiently waiting for my rant to end she calmly said - "Well, she could be your wife." That scared me straight. I think of that everytime I feel lonely. There are worst things than being alone and that is being alone in a room for of people you don't like.

Anonymous said...

Internet dating? Don't do it.

Dead Robot said...

Same opinion. You wind up married. Ugh!

Mark said...

I agree: I think there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely -- if you can find a away to be alone without being lonely, then the relationship will follow.

Phronk said...

Cal: Well said. I'd rather have a few quality relationships and occasional loneliness than juggle a lot of shallow connections just so I'm never alone.

Branwynne: Good advice. I'm trying not to. :)

DR: Did you meet SB through the internets??

Mark: Makes sense. Like personally, I'd rather have a partner who's comfortable being alone than one who needs constant attention.

EVILFLU said...

Internet dating is very scary! I'm still LOL about the electrocution thing...a little scary, but damn that girl has a sense of humour! ;)

SharkBoy said...

Don't despair, you've only tried one of the two sexes yet, if you change your mind, I'm sure I know a dozen of guys who would love to get to know you... ehehe

lori said...

I really like this loneliness breakdown. It's a good little reminder for anyone missing (or who's lost!) that loving feeling.

hehe. And now this song is stuck in my head:

Phronk said...

EvilFlu: Hehe yeah. I hope she managed to find a man in time to save her from all the dangerous stuff in her house.

Sharkboy: Stop trying to make me gay with your homosexual agenda! THE FUNDAMENTALISTS WERE RIGHT! :)

Lori: Hehehe, as soon as I saw "loving feeling" and "lost" in the same sentence, that immediately popped in my head.