Monday, June 22, 2009

So Happy Together

You know how it's supposed to be a romantic thing to say something like "I don't care what we do or where we go, as long as I'm with you"?

If I was in a relationship with someone who said that, I'd break up with them.

I get that the intention behind it is sweet. That love comes first, and the rest is secondary. While I do believe love conquers all, the rest can be important too. I want someone who I can go on adventures with; if they don't care where they go as long as I'm there, then their heart isn't really into going anywhere. I want someone who's happy with who they are and doing what they love. If what they're doing doesn't matter as long as I'm there, then they're defining themselves by their relationship with someone else, and not really passionate about what they're doing.

People who say "I don't care what I'm doing as long as I'm with you," they're the same ones who end up doing nothing together. Working dead-end jobs, sitting on the couch every night eating chips until they're chubby and unhappy. Soon they're blaming each other for their life problems, and it becomes more like "I'd be doing such better stuff if I wasn't with you."

No thanks. I'd rather this: "I have so many places I want to go and things I want to do, but it would be so much better if I did it all with you."


See also: Couple married in zero gravity.


Mutty said...

Something in between might be better? The second comment could come across as pretty selfish as something like 'I'm gonna do what I want to do, whatever you say, fuck compromises."?

I know that's not what you meant, but perhaps this?

"I have so many places I'd like to go to and things I want to do. They would be so much better i I did them with you. Are there any things you'd like to do that we could do together also?"

I'm probably splitting hairs. Apologies. Been a long day.

Phronk said...

No that's totally a fair point.

What I mean, but didn't really get across, is that a relationship should leave people free to follow their dreams. That can mean a few things - like supporting your partner while they follow theirs, and vice versa, or ideally, having overlapping dreams so that many activities are fulfilling to both.

But my main point is that people should HAVE dreams and aspirations, and the sentiment I responded to sorta reeks of giving up. Relationships should be a beginning, not an end.

Jen said...

Whoa, that photo is awesome.

That is so true. I know an awesome couple that just couldn't work out because one person was of the "buy a couch and sit on it happily forever," and the other wanted to spend the couch money traveling. They had such different life goals and plans that they would have both been miserable had they stayed together.

PS - go see UP, it's kinda all about this post.

shine said...

I'm with you on this. I have shit to do, but they'd all be better if you were there. Oh, and I'll do your shit, too.

Something like that, but more romantic. I'm not good with romance. Because I usually date men who say things like, "I don't do favors" or "You're a big girl, you can deal with it yourself."

Yeah, yeah, I'm working on it...

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you're breaking up with me in a blog post.

Anonymous said...

I see your logic in that. I am going to provide this insight to my bf tonight. He saids that all the time. In a way, I love it because. I'm the one that is adventurous and does crazy random stuff. He's just my partner in crime. PLUS! I'm crazy bossy so if he wants to do other stuff than I want to do... we'd kill each other.

Anonymous said...

I've used that statement and had that statement mentioned to me on say a Friday night, getting ready for a date with a girlfriend. Or a Sunday afternoon when we meet up for a drink or just to hang out. I don't think I've ever been with someone who would use that as a way to describe the whole relationship. Something like that, someone willing to just sit there on a couch and get hugely fat wouldn't be dating anyone, let alone you or I.
I enjoy having someone to share my success in life, and the failure, but I don't need someone with me to enjoy the achievement and failure. Seems like people who truly NEED someone to enjoy their life are the worst sort of people, people who, like you say, are miserable. People who live EoA maybe....?:)
I thought I was disagreeing with you but I don't think I am...

Yvonne said...

I think I learned the hard way that that phrase was not romantic.

It's because I wound up getting bored of the things I was doing with the person who I liked doing things with. There's only so much TV and videogames you can play on a sunny day, when there's so much to do outside.

Constant self-improvement may be selfish, but I find that it's starting to attract the ones that do the things I like.

You've once again delivered an insightfully obvious post. :) Yay!

Tatiana said...

I'm with the yes and no crowd on this one. Sure there are overarching goals and dreams to focus on, but if you ask me what I feel like doing on my mundane Friday, then ya'd better be prepared to hear 'whateva'. Primarily b/c I may be out of ideas after a crazy week and am looking for suggestions. I don't think you framed the stmt as you intended, I guess.

In a grand scheme of things though, you're right - god forbid someone has no identity to call their own and has to latch on to togetherness to complete them. Barf.

Phronk said...

Yeah like a few of you got at... I meant a long-term pattern, not just being happy to be with someone on a random night.