Thursday, December 31, 2009

An Old Man Reflects on Life

I've been blogging for over ten years.

There probably aren't many people in the world who can say that. I'm actually getting closer to 15 years of web logging now, given that I invented blogging. Which raises the question (but doesn't beg the question; please stop using it that way ok?): have I not found anything better to do in the past decade?

I'm also barreling towards turning 30 years old. And fast, too, because doesn't time seem to pass faster and faster with each year? This decade had flown by so quickly that I can still clearly remember ringing in the year 2000, flinching in anticipation of the end of the world.

But here I am, still ticking and tocking. Still without a career. Still single. It's gotten to the point where friends want to set me up with friends, and my family encourages me to get the waitress's phone number when we go out for dinner. All appreciated, sure, but I think this is related to turning 30. It's that threshold where people are expected to have their life together. I fear the monotony of a decided-upon life as much as I do the uncertainty of being lost, but the pressure is there.

And soon it will go from setting me up with friends, to setting me up with a "really nice" (i.e., ugly) co-worker, to begging me to take out the older divorcee from spin class, to just being the creepy uncle who's given up. Next stop: dying alone.

I'm not going to let any of this happen (especially the dying part), but maybe kicking life's ass would be easier if I wasn't 30. Maybe I should update all my online profiles on a yearly basis, shifting my birth year up so I stay 29. I'll have to manage my internet footprint to be consistent with this aging prorogue. Eventually my blog archives from the year 2000 will read "goo goo, gah gah, just a baby here. Yes, I can type. NO MORE FUCKING QUESTIONS."

It'll be harder to manage my real life (a.k.a. meatspace) footprint. Wrinkle cream is improving all the time though.

I have no idea where I was going with this.


c said...

Wow, 30?! Might as well just give up now, man. It's not worth the effort. Just get wasted, fall on your face and maybe a nice girl will feel sorry for you, pick you up and take you home. That's what I do.

Hasn't happened yet, but it might and it's the path of least resistance. So go for it!

carissajaded said...

Ha I am only 27, and I seem to be getting all the same signals, hints and forcing me to go on dates from my friends and family. Maybe it's because I'm a girl. Anyways, 10 years is an amazing feat!! I've only been doing this 6 months and I thought that was a long time!! I think you will be just fine in your 30th year and all things will come to you in time!! Happy New Year!!

c said...

Phronk, have you met Carissa? She seems like a very nice girl. Maybe you can ask for her phone number. Go ahead, go on, don't be shy now. Your Mom will be so proud of you if you do...

Brian said...


Phronk said...

Calvin: Sounds like a plan, except getting wasted makes me really hung over now that I'm old. Who's Carissa? Can you set us up?

Carissa: Yah I think there is even more pressure for girls. Six months is a good start; many people don't make it that long. Thanks and happy New Year to you too!

Brian: Meh.

Blondie said...

totally related: What are you doing your PhD in?

Blondie said...

Wait, this is filed under "dating and pathetic crushes?" but I didn't even see my name mentioned anywhere.


EVILFLU said...

This is sad! I think you've accomplished quite a bit and you're a pretty cool dude...and you're not old and you don't have wrinkles or age spots.

I think you're doing pretty good.

Besides, 30 is the new 15.

at least I think I heard that somewhere anyway :/

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I suggest you use your experience to make life your bitch. It always shocks me the shit I can get away with only because I know how to handle people after over twenty years of teaching. I also need to use some of my power for evil just to satisfy my own lonliness and need for validation. Like Batman I don't want to shoot life, just kick it in the teeth a little and force it to confess.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Besides, as Sinatra said..."Swing're platinum!"

Hey Lady! said...

Dude, you're a guy, 30 is not old, you've got until at least 50 before women in their 20s will stop dating you, especially if you get yourself a high paying job. So, focus on that, you'll meet someone...

Plus, if you make enough money you can fly out to meet some of the "adoring fans" of your blog who scored well on your flow chart!

Ginny said...

I'd like to thank you for inventing blogging because I quite like blogging and reading blogs.

Why is everyone so concerned about someone else being single. My friend was passing out my e-mail in a bar at her bachelorette party.

Forest City Fashionista said...

If I can weigh in as the "senior" here...30 is still so young;it can seem monumental at the time, and society wants you to believe if you haven't got all your shit together by then, you're a failure. Who wants to be one of those people who constantly refer to their glory days of their 20s? I want to be one of those people for whom life gets better every year. It's important to have goals, and the basics covered (a job and friends), but part of the thrill is not knowing where life is going to take you. Wonderful people come into your life when you least expect it, and as "Hey Lady" points out, you've got another 20 years where you'll be able to get dates with 20-somethings. Try being a woman in your 40's and see how small the dating pool're an intelligent, witty guy who engages with the world--you'll be fine! There, I'm done.

Phronk said...

Blondie: I'm doing my PhD in psychology. :) And I know, you're used to seeing your name and "pathetic" together, but my new years resolution is to be nicer. Whoops...I think I just blew it. :(

EvilFlu: I do have one wrinkle on my forehead. To get rid of it, I've stopped smiling. But not actually, because I'm not sad at all, I just play sad on my blog. But thanks!

Cal: You frighten me sometimes. :)

Hey Lady! Hahah, so it really is all about money eh? But you do have a point. And it would be wonderful to meet you adoring blog friends, if you actually exist and aren't computer AI and/or figments of my imagination.

Ginny: You're welcome. Haha, passing out your email is a bit extreme. I think a lot of people who are in relationships can't imagine being happy outside of them, so they assume others can't, so they want their friends to find happiness in a relationship too. So it's all done out of love. I'm pretty happy with being single though.

FCF: Good points. Thank you! I definitely want to be one of those people too. It wouldn't be very fun to know that your best days are behind you. And yeah, it probably is, unfortunately, harder for women. But still, for both genders, I think age is mattering less and less as time goes on. Let us all party until we are 200.

c said...

You're working on a phd in psychology but you haven't chosen a career yet? You should see somebody about that.

btw - that other Cal from the House of Cool or whatever isn't me. Must be just somebody who stole my stolen name.

katrocket said...

Happy Birthday! I think I missed it - sorry!

xo cheer up sweetie, your 30s can get real dirty. Whoot!

Tatiana said...

Lol... I am ten days away from 30. I was fine with the whole notion (smugly immune, in fact) until I had an age crisis in Cuba out of the blue. It was spurred not by turning 30 but by the fact that I still don't have kids, and the nice folks in other cultures simply don't get that. That's the societal (okay familial) pressure that I'm dealing with, and again, unlike men we have an expiry date on the whole thing.

I am not single, but am a few short years away from the window closing on kids and soon I'll be that weird lady cooking for her dogs/cats and tucking them in at night. And a cougar. Christ.

Anyhow, I've had my moment with a bottle of tequila, composed myself and made myself feel better by relating the episode to my also thirty girlfriend so she can reflect on her failings as a woman as well.


Hey Lady! said...

Yeah, as Tatiana points out the worst thing about turning 30 is the pressure to have children. On the plus side though, turning 31 is remarkably easier (I'm 2 days away from it myself and I'm much less freaked then before I turned 30, though don't come looking for me on my 35th birthday).

How was the big 3-0?

Phronk said...

Calvin: I guess I should eh? But straight-line career paths are so booooring.

Kat: Thanks! I am looking forward to seeing how dirty the 30s can get.

Tatiana & Hey Lady: Yeah, it must be harder for women (but hey, you two still have half a decade at the very least for top-quality babies, so don't worry about it). While men can feel the same pressure, it's social rather than biological.

The big 3-0 was good. I spent time with great friends and family, and when you have that, other piddly worries don't matter so much.