Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Horrors Delights of Internet Dating, Volume 7

Not everyone on internet dating sites is deeply flawed (since I'm on them AMIRIGHT?CRICKETSETC). So this time, instead of making fun of poor people's grammar, I'm going to highlight some profiles that are sort of awesome.

(As usual, you might have to click to embiggen [that's what she said {?}])

First, not everyone is on PlentyOfFish looking for dates. I'd never heard of this before, but apparently there are people who want "friends" that they have no intention of mashing genitals with.

Poking fun at the very site you're on is a nice self-deprecating way of winning my heart.

"Genius forever" is what makes this a win. Plus, I put pretty much the exact same thing in my profile.

Two things I really enjoy are: things that come out of nowhere, and food.

I have no idea what she's talking about. But she is hot and apparently likes turkey. Mmm turkey. Speaking of girls who like meat:

Just the one Henderson?

Mmm chicken wings. More random interests punctuated with gustatory goodness:

It's the last line that really tugs at my heart strings. Mmm, deep-fried salad.

Two other things that catch my attention, in addition to non-sequiturs and meat, are honesty and dark humour.

She should start a blog.

It's good to get these things out of the way. Imagine going on a first date and being surprised by the Roseanne laugh? At least this way you'd know to avoid being funny.

Okay, maybe there's such a a thing as too much dark honesty.

Here is a healthy balance of cynicism and knowing how to have a good time:

But mostly I'm all about the positive.

I love you.

(And yes, I see it. But I told you, I can overlook grammar issues when I need too. We all maek mistakes some times.)

See also: Volume 6 and Supplemental Issue


Tatiana said...

There's hope for you yet. I love the degree of introspection in some of these profiles! And I'd eat me some deep fried salad too.

Anonymous said...

I love the girl who acts like broccoli just automatically comes with "the cheese."

I really really wish you would go on more dates with these people. And then tell me about them.

Anonymous said...

I thought you said non-squirter's. I was thinking what's wrong with this guy???

Picard102 said...

This mean chick. HOT HOT HOT.

Phronk said...

Tatiana: What I wonder is if the whole salad is deep fried, or if it just has deep fried chunks of something in it.

Shine: LOL. Almost everything should be assumed to have "the cheese" unless stated otherwise. I totally would go on a date with some of these since they're awesome. (Not so much the other posts because I'd feel terrible for knowing I made fun of them behind their backs before even meeting them.)

BRay: Yeah, I would never say that!

Picard: Totally hot. Mean is the new nice.

katrocket said...

Tim Hortons Guitar Hero is my kinda gal.

Candice said...

Please ask out the girl who will watch you eat deep fried salad. IT HAS TO BE DONE.

Hey Lady! said...

This fried salad business... Not sure about that, sounds sort of like she's trying to punish you, she didn't say "lets eat fried salad together" she said "watch YOU eat fried salad". Sounds like she wants to force you to do something you don't want to do. Maybe you're into that, and if not just tell her what my mother used to say to me, "no means no!".

Forest City Fashionista said...

I just live for the next installments of "the Horrors of Internet Dating" primarily because it reminds me to never re-activate my profile. I agree with Shine, I think you should go out with the Deep Fried Salad girl, if only to get the recipe

Phronk said...

Kat: Mine too! Sounds like the perfect date.

Candice & FCF: I wish I could ask her out, but I have no way of finding her again. If it's meant to be I'll stumble back onto her profile. :)

Hey Lady! I'm into that. I can just imagine it: she fishes the steaming hot salad out of the oil, sets it on plate in front of me, leans in close and watches each dripping bite as my lips surround it. Whips me when I say I'm full. UUUGH, heaven.

Tory said...

And it continues to shock me that you're single.

Perhaps you should have two profiles, one for your "sweet housewife self" and another for your "submisive S&M self".

Like "Phronk" and EvilPhronk"