Saturday, February 12, 2011

Family Ties

I'd like to have kids someday, but even more, I'd like to have grandkids. With those things, you get all the fun of kids being around, without them being around all the time. What would be ideal is having grandkids without having to raise kids first.

Is this possible?

I began to think of the ways. Of course, my first idea was the old biogenetically-engineer-a-fetus-to-be-capable-of-childbirth-then-give-birth-in-the-womb-then-abort-the-babymomma trick, which gets a grandkid without a kid, but doesn't really solve anything.

Then I thought, maybe I could adopt someone who's about 25-30. Peak childbearing age. My new children would not have to be raised, but would soon have their own kids — my grandkids. Problem solved!

Going even further, how about I adopt a woman about my age, then having a kid with my new "daughter". Then I have a genetically related grandkid who's also my kid. Hmm...I guess this doesn't solve the problem of having to raise a kid, but obtaining a daughter, a wife, another kid, and a grandkid all within 9 months would have to be some kind of world record. this legal? this ethical?

Maybe, just maybe, it's a bit creepy. But so is this picture:

Touché! Eh?

Furthermore, am I the only one who isn't crazy about that Modern Family show?

OTHER NEWS: Today, February 12th, at 2:00pm, I am co-hosting the first maybe-annual Coffee Hack! If you're in London, come on down and check it out. More details at our sister-site (also wife-site; sorry, these sites just don't respect boundaries), Putting Weird Things in Coffee.


Unknown said...

what you do is wait until you are 60, then find a lady love who already has grown kids and grandkids.

then you passed all the kid stage but are able to hang out with grand kids!

Ellie said...

What about getting friends that have kids? That's pretty similar to grandkids...except the friends won't feel obligated to visit "grandpa"

Dale said...

Buy a few kids at various ages and stages to see what works best for you. Insist on a receipt though so you can return them.

Jennifer said...

I can teach my kids to call you grandpa, baldy. Anytime you want to borrow them and pretend, I'll drop the hoard of weasels off and maybe come back. Maybe.

Hey Lady! said...

You've got a sibling, can't you just be "cool uncle Mike"? I don't think grandpa is necessary. And as others have suggested, wait til your friends have kids.

You are correct about Modern Family. I should have included it on my list of "most over-rated shows". It's mildly amusing at best, stupid and creepy at worst. I really can't stand that blonde woman and her dumb husband.

pixie658 said...

I have a lot of friends with kids and I'm like their cool aunt who isn't actually an aunt. That is enough for me. I adore kids, but don't see myself having any... at least not naturally. Maybe I'll adopt one day. Like, after I get this damn PhD.
I loved the first half of the first season of Modern Family, but eventually it just got on my nerves. I really like the kids on the show, but the parents just bug me.

sarah said...

I kept having to read the scenarios over again to figure out how many ways they were just wrong and how many ways it wasn't. DEEP STUFF FROM A UNIQUE AND CREEPY MIND: YOURS.

Modern Family is SOOO awkward in that it tries hard to be funny but it's not funny and they talk to the camera too much. Everyone else loves it though, but they are incorrect. Family Ties however, awesome! And the theme song, awesome! Alex P. Keaton, awesome@ Touche indeed?

EVILFLU said...

I will let you in on my secret knowledge of becoming a grandparent at an early age. I almost became a grandmother recently so I know everything.

1) go out with someone six (or greater) years older than you.

2) Make sure that person has a 15 year old who is a little bit slutty.

Next thing you know, you are a grandparent at the age of 29!

Phronk said...

You are all so full of ideas that I didn't think of! Thank you, blog friends.

I tried all these out; I now have more kids and women than I know what to do with. Anyone want to buy a kid or a woman?