Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A breakup isn't just physical separation from a person. It's cutting off the opportunity to form new memories together, and to refresh old ones.

Memories are half of who we are, so when we form a lot of them together we literally become a part of one another. When we stop forming them, it changes who we are. It's a cliche to say that a breakup leaves us with a hole—a missing part—and I think that's far less metaphorical than it sounds.

Another cliche is the sudden realization that we can't remember what a past lover's face looks like. This is the most horrific part of all; not only are we missing parts of our identities, but suddenly the parts we kept are degrading with time.

We form new memories, of course. Grow new parts to fill in those holes and replace the fading bits. Yet there's always the nagging question, the creeping horror: are the new ones any better than the old ones were? We can no longer remember.

Maybe that's for the best.

On the bright side, stay tuned.


Dan said...

Dude, I love your writing and I sincerely believe you should devote far more time to it than you currently do.... But for the love of all that is good and pure, stop writing about breakups!! My tender heart can handle so much!!!

But seriously good post.


Dan said...

Umm.. May have meant that my tender heart can ONLY handle so much....
But it still stands..

Forest City Fashionista said...

I really enjoy your writing too, and wish you posted more often!
I'm very sorry that things went south for you, relationship it time for another shot of 12 yr. old scotch?

Jen said...

I've never really understood why breaking up means never talking to the other person again. I'm not channeling Gotye here, I was staying friends with exes before it was cool. You spend so much of your time with that person, and they know you like very few people do. Just because you don't want to bang them anymore shouldn't mean you never want to hang out again. Presumably you still have the same mutual interests you always did.

Phronk said...

Dan: Thanks, and sorry for breaking your heart. I'll try to have fewer breakups.

FCF: Thanks. Yah it sucks, but what can ya do. I do believe it is scotch time. I feel like I haven't accidentally run into you in forever.

Jen: True. I guess it's hard to separate the romantic parts from the friend parts. Spending time together can bring out the memories of the romantic parts, and get in the way of enjoying the friend parts.

That said, after a time away from each other, I think it is possible to separate all that and just be friends. I think my now-ex and me will be friends forever.